Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

absentbree

Grew up in Gladstone, Michigan but spent my teen years in Chengdu, China

Member Since 2011

Followers 136 Following 121

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Saturday Sep 22, 2012

Sep 22, 2012
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
?
.
fuck.

I went through some of my older short stories today.
(It is a cold and rainy sort of day. The kind that you fall in love with for a few minutes and end up cursing for hours. )
I ended up throwing out a lot of the stories. Some of them were too confusing, others had no real direction and the rest just plain sucked. It is weird sorting through stories that I once thought were wonderful but now find embarrassing. I wonder if this happens with other sorts of art forms- do painters always love their work? Photographers never cringe at their pictures? Maybe writers will always be slightly insecure. Or maybe that is just me. It doesn't matter how many times I get published or how many people tell me they love what I do. I will always question it and try to do something a little better the next time. A little different.

I got some worrying medical news regarding my pregnancy. Well, I suppose it isn't news as the doctor only told me what I was told before. My daughter will be fine but I may not. I was told, nicely, to think about who I would want to care for my daughter in the event that I "passed away" (It is okay, Mr. Doctor. You can say death.) I've only told 1 person about this in my "real" day to day life. I haven't even told her father. It was curious. I felt as if I should have fear or that I should break down crying but I didn't. I listened, talked back and went home. When I got home I went through my stories. I wondered why I kept so much crap around. Why did I convince myself I would like it? That I would use it? I would need it? I should have concentrated on what was good, not on hoarding all this crap.

I should have done the same in my own life. I still should. There is no point in keeping the crap that drags you down. There is no point in holding hands with those that aren't good for you. There is just no point in it.

I don't know what will happen. I don't know. But I do know that I'm not just going to stop at throwing out crappy stories.


?
.
abjabber:
As an artist, I think its normal to be over critical and constantly seek improvement. I also keep all the crap I write and draw, no matter how bad it is. I have a big problem with doubting myself all the time so I hope that is normal. That is big news about the baby. I can't imagine how I'd react to a similar diagnosis. You're a strong person to handle it so well. I really hope that doesn't happen. lovekiss
Sep 22, 2012
liath:
I would never consider myself any kind of artist, writer, musician, etc, but I can honestly say I absolutely hate everything I've ever created. Except the work-in-progress motorcycle, but if I ever finish it, I'll probably hate it too. Maybe that's why I'll never make it as an artist. I think in order to succeed in any capacity, you have to first accept what you create, and that's something I can't do with my work. So with your works that have been published, you've proven you can accept your own work, and you can succeed.

It's not an easy thing to be told you're going to die. You feel like your doctor was too soft, saying "passed away." My doctor seemed pretty cold telling me "you will die." I've been on the other end too, having to tell a family that their loved one just died and I, the one person who was supposed to be there to save him or her, could do nothing about it. There's just no easy way to say it or to hear it. No right way, either. It just is.
Sep 24, 2012

More Blogs

  • 04.25.13
    4

    Thursday Apr 25, 2013

    Read More
  • 01.07.13
    4

    Monday Jan 07, 2013

    Read More
  • 12.31.12
    1

    Monday Dec 31, 2012

    I'm not sure how I feel about this year. One is supposed to sit back …
  • 12.13.12
    4

    Thursday Dec 13, 2012

    Read More
  • 10.25.12
    3

    Thursday Oct 25, 2012

    The Doctor in the OB center I am having Avery at told me I could play…
  • 10.21.12
    5

    Sunday Oct 21, 2012

    Confession: Every Sunday I listen to Bluegrass. I've been trying to …
  • 10.13.12
    5

    Saturday Oct 13, 2012

    it's one of those days when I am so incredibly thankful to have peopl…
  • 09.22.12
    2

    Saturday Sep 22, 2012

    ? . fuck. I went through some of my older short stories today. …
  • 09.13.12
    4

    Thursday Sep 13, 2012

    Read More
  • 09.11.12
    2

    Wednesday Sep 12, 2012

    I woke up this morning feeling kind of shitty and sad but then I real…

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
10
months
30
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,600 SuicideGirls
  • 1,115,205 followers
  • 14,951,954 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,472,269 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo