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i destroyed something beautiful today. . .

it contained one of the most beautiful moments in time i have lived through

through sadness and compulsion, i killed it

i hope that my scar of a brain, and the bruised tissue that is my soul

have the wherewithal to hold onto what it can of that moment, until my last breath sends me into whatever i am forced to suffer through next

i hope the destruction counts for something

i hope that the tears fighting their way up my chest, and out my eyes will carry me through tomorrow, instead of holding me fast to my bed

i am going to go and try to write a sad song now, as "god" has told me, in no certain words, that i cannot die, not now, or i would be gone by the time you read this

i love you

if love counts for anything

let it be that i wanted nothing but good things for all of us

even if i could never come through

especially in a pinch.