_william_

RESUME

GEORGE W. BUSH
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20520

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

Law Enforcement:

I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for
driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty,
paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended
for 30 days. My Texas driving recordhas been "lost"
and is not available.

Military:

I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL.
I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions
about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National
Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

College:

I graduated from Yale University with a low C average.
I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career
in the oil business in Midland,Texas, in 1975.

I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil
inTexas. The company went bankrupt shortly after
I sold all my stock. I bought the Texas Rangers base-
ball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using
taxpayer money.

With the help of my father and our friends in the
oil industry (including Enron CEO, Ken Lay), I was
elected governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS

I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and
oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state
in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los
Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.

I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the
tune of billions in borrowed money.

I set the record for the most executions by any
governor in American history.

With the help of my brother, the governor of
Florida, and my father's appointments to the
Supreme Court, I becamePresident after losing
by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I am the first President in U.S. history to enter
office with a criminal record.

I invaded and occupied two countries at a con-
tinuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.

I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bank-
rupted the U.S. Treasury.

I shattered the record for the largest annual
deficit in U.S. history.

I set an economic record for most private
bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a
12-month period.

I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in
the history of the U.S. stock market. In my first
year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their
jobs and that trend continues every month.

I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are
the richest of any administration in U.S. history.
My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a
Chevron oil tanker named after her.

I set the record for most campaign fund-raising
trips by a U.S. President.

I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for
receiving the most corporate campaign donations.

My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one
of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the
largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History -
Enron.

My political party used Enron private jets and
corporate attorneys to assure my success with the
U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.

I have protected my friends at Enron and Halli-
burton against investigation or prosecution. More
time and money was spent investigating the Monica
Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating
one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S.
history and refused to intervene when corruption
involving the oil industry was revealed. I presided
over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.

I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted
criminals to be awarded government contracts.

I appointed more convicted criminals to admin-
istration than any President in U.S. history.

I created the Ministry of Homeland Security,
the largest bureaucracy in the history of the
United States government.

I've broken more international treaties than any
President in U.S. history.

I am the first President in U.S. history to have
the United Nations remove the U.S. from the
Human Rights Commission.

I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S.
"prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have
refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

I am the first President in history to refuse United
Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S.
election).

I set the record for fewest numbers of press con-
ferences of any President since the advent of
television.

I set the all-time record for most days on vacation
in any one-year period. After taking off the entire
month of August, I presided over the worst security
failure in U.S. history.

I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the
World Trade Center attacks and, less than a year later,
made the U.S. the most hated country in the world,
the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.

I have set the all-time record for most people world-
wide to simultaneously protest me in public venues
(15 million people), shattering the record for protests
against any person in the history of mankind.

I am the first President in U.S. history to order an
unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occu-
pation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will
of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens,
and the world community.

I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and
support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops
and their families - *in wartime*.

In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our
reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies
on our British friends.

I am the first President in history to have a majority
of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest
threat to world peace and security.

I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical
Bunker Buster," a WMD.

I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama
Bin Laden [sic] to justice.

I am the first President to fully advocate the use of
electronic voting machines. I also have the owner of
the largest electronic voting machine manufacturing
company, Diebold, publicly backing my campaign for
re-election.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are
now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for
public view.

All records of SEC investigations into my insider
trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in
secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my
Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy
are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.