Well, I'm feeling a lot better.
Last night my PLP came over and that raised my spirits instantly. I love that girl. As soon as I'm with her I can completely be myself--I don't have that with anyone else in the world, though I'm working on it. She gives me hope and reminds me how far we've come.
Then I saw Ashleigh and held Baby Trinity and that was amazing. These two are in my top five of the most special women in the world. What a calm, knowing energy to be surrounding one only just born! I can't wait to see who she's going to grow into.
As long as I can keep thinking about the little specks of good like those, I can stay on a pretty even keel.
As long as I can keep my mind off the fact that I have to live in a tiny computer room in Shawn's parents' house and share a bathroom with his dad (other peoples' hairs and things GROSS ME THE FUCK OUT!). And the fact that they have a cat and I'm DEATHLY allergic.
And the fact that it's his parents! Ew I'm having all these terrible flashbacks of when I lived at home. God I hated it. God I hate remembering it. God I feel trapped. I can either sleep in my car or there.
And I'm going to have to get two jobs. Just when I was stoked about not working-just school. Hoofuckinray for that.
I have had few jobs that made me feel good to be there and fewer that paid me for the quality of my work. It's really hard to be motivated.
AND I'm gonna get fat. I won't have anywhere to work out. I won't have money for a gym membership for another month or so.
AND I have to share a bathroom with Shawns dad EWWWW! Waaaaaaah!
Do you guys ever feel like you have absolutely nothing to look forward to in your life? That you've been staying positive waiting for things to get better but you keep screwing it all up and it just gets worse?
Last night my PLP came over and that raised my spirits instantly. I love that girl. As soon as I'm with her I can completely be myself--I don't have that with anyone else in the world, though I'm working on it. She gives me hope and reminds me how far we've come.
Then I saw Ashleigh and held Baby Trinity and that was amazing. These two are in my top five of the most special women in the world. What a calm, knowing energy to be surrounding one only just born! I can't wait to see who she's going to grow into.
As long as I can keep thinking about the little specks of good like those, I can stay on a pretty even keel.
As long as I can keep my mind off the fact that I have to live in a tiny computer room in Shawn's parents' house and share a bathroom with his dad (other peoples' hairs and things GROSS ME THE FUCK OUT!). And the fact that they have a cat and I'm DEATHLY allergic.
And the fact that it's his parents! Ew I'm having all these terrible flashbacks of when I lived at home. God I hated it. God I hate remembering it. God I feel trapped. I can either sleep in my car or there.
And I'm going to have to get two jobs. Just when I was stoked about not working-just school. Hoofuckinray for that.
I have had few jobs that made me feel good to be there and fewer that paid me for the quality of my work. It's really hard to be motivated.
AND I'm gonna get fat. I won't have anywhere to work out. I won't have money for a gym membership for another month or so.
AND I have to share a bathroom with Shawns dad EWWWW! Waaaaaaah!
Do you guys ever feel like you have absolutely nothing to look forward to in your life? That you've been staying positive waiting for things to get better but you keep screwing it all up and it just gets worse?
nattytattat:
Once again.....I'm right there with ya..except for the hairy bathroom thing! Eww is right! Come sleep on my couch bitch!
nattytattat:
We can job hunt and apartment hunt and be hungry unemployed losers together....