_catalyst_

well,

i feel bad. apparently i was talking mad shit last night in the car on the way home... that's perfectly normal for me, especially considering i was drunk as hell. i guess i was talking shit about mikey's (my roommate) cousin and she could hear me through the phone. then everyone was yelling at me, shawn especially. so i pouted for like 5 minutes and then couldn't remember why the hell i was talking so much shit or what i said so i decided to pass out before i got myself in any more trouble.

i just don't want to be talking shit if i don't mean it. now i have to apologise and i have no clue for what. what an idiot.

i spent my whole weekend working and being sick or grumpy or sleeping.

i was supposed to get my tat done several times but didn't because of the previously mentioned.

i was supposed to get a lot of shit done actually, and i feel like i didn't do shit!

i guess i'm feeling overwhelmed right now. i know a lot of it has to do with not having any days off work lately.

i've decided fuck opening. i need to do it once a week at least since i'm the manager but the whole having my whole day ahead of me when i get off early is negated by the fact that i'm either super bitch or i take a longass nap and am lazy.

i feel much better when i am able to roll out of bed when i just can't lie there anymore. when i am fresh to focus on what i need to/want to before my mind is numbed by the multitasking of work.

yes, i love sleep. yes, i love mornings.

so, if i am getting this stressed over working every day, i know i will do much better in school (especially for a year and a half! that's a llong time to feel like a zombie) if i can either quit my job entirely or just keep one day or something for tax purposes.

so. i'm not anymore shooting for a specific date to be in school. i have been doing that and letting myself down for far too long. it's time to accept that i know i will get there, and remember that there are more important loose ends to be tied up first.

this is a bigger deal to me than it sounds. i've always had this thing about being out of school before i hit 25. well, that's not gonna happen now. i think the biggest reason is that i want to travel while i'm young, but i want to be done with school before i travel.

i will just have to change my thoughts about the numbers associated with aging.

i will have to instead focus on making my lifestyle as healthy as possible, and on my many opportunities for making my money.

i have to remind myself that there are no deadlines, that time is an illusion, that i can come back to any moment i wish, that nothing is lost...