the dragon.
i haven't felt so warm or comfortable or complete in years.
now, i should keep my distance.
i haven't felt so warm or comfortable or complete in years.
now, i should keep my distance.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
please breathe new life into me.
i have never felt so fucking worn.
i have never felt so fucking worn.
saturn1:
& i adore your patience. there, we're even.
The Body, sensitive
twists itself, tormented
around the intruder
A delerious kaliedescope bent,
immunoreactivity is only a foul dream.
Permanent wrongs
seal themselves into perfect wombs.
A desperately hoped for past
esacapes with the thrust
of this most terrible lesson.
twists itself, tormented
around the intruder
A delerious kaliedescope bent,
immunoreactivity is only a foul dream.
Permanent wrongs
seal themselves into perfect wombs.
A desperately hoped for past
esacapes with the thrust
of this most terrible lesson.
what it feels like to be devoid of any ambition or motivation of any kind.
the evil side of barbs.
the evil side of barbs.
saturn1:
what does it feel like?
she frustrates me beyond belief. Im trying to be civil, and get to the bottom of whatever her true feelings are. I am patient, and i am trying to be a bigger person than just throwing her sorry ass away.
But she minimizes every move i make, and trivializes every single thought i share with her.
She nearly validates my self-deprecation.
But she minimizes every move i make, and trivializes every single thought i share with her.
She nearly validates my self-deprecation.
saturn1:
i wish i could make it better. & put you in a glass box where dust doesn't settle. i couldn't give you an unbiased opinion so i'll shut up now. and go back to painting my nails on gov't time.
Tool was in detroit last night.
The energy of the show was strange.. i felt completely disengaged nearly the entire time.
Maynard was in better spirits than most shows ive seen, he actually gave the crowd the respect of facing toward them, and he danced like i haven't seen in ages.
The energy of the show was strange.. i felt completely disengaged nearly the entire time.
Maynard was in better spirits than most shows ive seen, he actually gave the crowd the respect of facing toward them, and he danced like i haven't seen in ages.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
apathy_activist:
Hmm.. I wouldn't say pissy, but totally distant.
There was little interaction. The only thing was a little joke about Mike & Jim from Tomahawk who helped out with Disposition/Reflection.
I've seen him get right the hell into it before and I've seen shows like Sunday's. They're both good, just different kinds of Tool shows.
There was little interaction. The only thing was a little joke about Mike & Jim from Tomahawk who helped out with Disposition/Reflection.
I've seen him get right the hell into it before and I've seen shows like Sunday's. They're both good, just different kinds of Tool shows.
saturn1:
i like the picture. i sort of miss the very first one you had.
the idea of forever..
weird.
ive been trying to get my mind around the idea of the "last man". You see, whether in two years or two billion, by way of nuclear war or solar expansion, the last people will be dying from the earth.
i wonder what it would be like to be living in those moments. What will they understand about everything that...
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weird.
ive been trying to get my mind around the idea of the "last man". You see, whether in two years or two billion, by way of nuclear war or solar expansion, the last people will be dying from the earth.
i wonder what it would be like to be living in those moments. What will they understand about everything that...
Read More
maxx:
Your making the assumption that the last people alive have some sort of reasonable intellengence. My experience with people (especially people who will eventually destroy themselves) is they're a bunch of self centered morons who can't get the big picture. In all liklyhood, the few who are left will be the same way. Never stopping to think about the big picture with what has happened.
Furthermore, I think that the concept that man will eventually be extinct is part of what keeps our drive for life going. If we knew we were going to be around forever, then what would be the point of trying to make everything so good NOW. "We got all the time in the world to make life good. Let's lazy around" But because one day (maybe tomorrow) we all might be gone: that's the purpose of living life. To live today.
I don't know just a (long, rambling) thought
Furthermore, I think that the concept that man will eventually be extinct is part of what keeps our drive for life going. If we knew we were going to be around forever, then what would be the point of trying to make everything so good NOW. "We got all the time in the world to make life good. Let's lazy around" But because one day (maybe tomorrow) we all might be gone: that's the purpose of living life. To live today.
I don't know just a (long, rambling) thought
saturn1:
so you're asking what's life, then? i tend to think that the idea of forever is a device to keep us in check morally & to have the will to survive, or at least to have the want to procreate. if there was no forever would there be the human race, now, today? and it's a nice concept even if delusional.
i have been asked, by therapists and friends alike, how it helps.
i can see where the whole thing is hard to understand. Sometimes, so much has gone wrong that it seems like the universe has given you the finger. The horror of feeling it all is simply unbearable. A distraction is needed.
once it is over, it completely numbs the weight of the emotional...
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i can see where the whole thing is hard to understand. Sometimes, so much has gone wrong that it seems like the universe has given you the finger. The horror of feeling it all is simply unbearable. A distraction is needed.
once it is over, it completely numbs the weight of the emotional...
Read More
saturn1:
it?
saturn1:
& underneath it all, it's more than fabric, no? maybe really far below, but it's there nonetheless.
i have been asked, by therapists and friends alike, how it helps.
i can see where the whole thing is hard to understand. Sometimes, so much has gone wrong that it seems like the universe has given you the finger. The horror of feeling it all is simply unbearable A distyraction is needed.
once it is over, it completely numbs the weight of the emotional...
Read More
i can see where the whole thing is hard to understand. Sometimes, so much has gone wrong that it seems like the universe has given you the finger. The horror of feeling it all is simply unbearable A distyraction is needed.
once it is over, it completely numbs the weight of the emotional...
Read More
There is something nice about only knowing one of you. In a way, it makes journaling here "safer"..
i stopped by "The Works" tonight. and caught the Dj battle betwixt K. Saunderson and J. Aquaviva.
Both did excellent.
i then came home, sat alone, and chased the dragon..
now I am writing this, completely unsure as to why i came to my computer, and went...
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i stopped by "The Works" tonight. and caught the Dj battle betwixt K. Saunderson and J. Aquaviva.
Both did excellent.
i then came home, sat alone, and chased the dragon..
now I am writing this, completely unsure as to why i came to my computer, and went...
Read More
saturn1:
i am so awake now. and i just read your profile on the side and think i am delirious and in need of sleep.
do you think seriousness/relationships have to do with possesiveness/objectification? i can see the posession part of it...though not always applicable, but objectification i'm hrmm'ing on. i think i'm a serial monogamist so i am always in a relationship and i think i'm done with them for some years. but there's always this urge to feel permanent w/ a person that you sense a connection w/, no matter what the level of connection or how strong you need the sense of permenence to be, you know? ok maybe not. i am thinking too hard for 4 am. snufalupacus wants to snuggle in the bed, i should oblige.
do you think seriousness/relationships have to do with possesiveness/objectification? i can see the posession part of it...though not always applicable, but objectification i'm hrmm'ing on. i think i'm a serial monogamist so i am always in a relationship and i think i'm done with them for some years. but there's always this urge to feel permanent w/ a person that you sense a connection w/, no matter what the level of connection or how strong you need the sense of permenence to be, you know? ok maybe not. i am thinking too hard for 4 am. snufalupacus wants to snuggle in the bed, i should oblige.
my life would be so much different...
if only it werent for my complete lack of anything consistent, stable, or secure.
i wake to noone, i wake for nothing.
i fall asleep with regret.
i have hardly the motivation leave the house.
lonliness and fear corrupt completely.
if only it werent for my complete lack of anything consistent, stable, or secure.
i wake to noone, i wake for nothing.
i fall asleep with regret.
i have hardly the motivation leave the house.
lonliness and fear corrupt completely.
saturn1:
i'd give it to you, if you wanted it.
saturn1:
stability, that is. owww, i feel barfy. must. sleep.
"The devil raids both your hands, takes your stuff and runs away..."
There is nothing more pathetic than the feeling of finding yourself a million light years away from the only person that you thought was there with you.
we are each very alone.
There is nothing more pathetic than the feeling of finding yourself a million light years away from the only person that you thought was there with you.
we are each very alone.
saturn1:
...i'm sorry...
if it's the worth anything you're one of the ...only that has made me not feel alone in a very long time. i think the universe is shifting. don't know where, but want things better for you.
if it's the worth anything you're one of the ...only that has made me not feel alone in a very long time. i think the universe is shifting. don't know where, but want things better for you.
emily:
=(
i'm so tired. just. want. to. sleep. maybe i got stuck at work so i'd go home tired.
i like replying to you here, it feels like no one reads it, even you & i still put it out there. like killing one bird with one effective stone.