The things that go through one's head while packed into a crowd and fully intoxicated by an entheogen.
I am a twisted fucking mess.
Tonight there were a billion other eyes and they were each as blind as I. I was everything that follows me, everything that terrorizes me.
I was kat and giant sweaty exboyfriends and failure and heroin .. I was sex and...
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I am a twisted fucking mess.
Tonight there were a billion other eyes and they were each as blind as I. I was everything that follows me, everything that terrorizes me.
I was kat and giant sweaty exboyfriends and failure and heroin .. I was sex and...
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really, I don't want to live like this anymore.
I am out.. somehow.
I dont want to register with anyone, and i dont want to be addicted to something else.
If i cannot get away, then I am going to die.
I am out.. somehow.
I dont want to register with anyone, and i dont want to be addicted to something else.
If i cannot get away, then I am going to die.
thalia1:
i know i've told you this before, but i'll say it again.
change things--move, take up something new, i don't know, but if you don't change something you are going to drive yourself mad!! you have so much feeling and you seem to be losing that somehow....deadened in a way.....i just hope you can see your way through all of this and come out the other side renewed somehow....
xoxo thalia
if you ever need to vent, you know me email address! k?
chin up!!
change things--move, take up something new, i don't know, but if you don't change something you are going to drive yourself mad!! you have so much feeling and you seem to be losing that somehow....deadened in a way.....i just hope you can see your way through all of this and come out the other side renewed somehow....
xoxo thalia
if you ever need to vent, you know me email address! k?
chin up!!
saturn1:
please let me help you. i refuse to lose anyone else to this and really, i refuse to lose you. i'm sure other people feel the same way.
I have been hiding out lately.
I have A LOT of work to do, and I have been going full-steam on the new Clear website (www.clearmag.com)
This project is getting bigger than I had anticipated.
Damn Flash.
Anyhow, I recieved a little email form kathleen the other day. It wasn't much more than thinly veiled anger and hate, futily attempting to justify the fact that...
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I have A LOT of work to do, and I have been going full-steam on the new Clear website (www.clearmag.com)
This project is getting bigger than I had anticipated.
Damn Flash.
Anyhow, I recieved a little email form kathleen the other day. It wasn't much more than thinly veiled anger and hate, futily attempting to justify the fact that...
Read More
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
saturn1:
sorry, i know it probably shouldn't be coming from me, but fuck her. if she wants you out of her life she should leave you alone.
i am home and tired. i'll talk to you soon just checking the journals here... i miss you.
i am home and tired. i'll talk to you soon just checking the journals here... i miss you.
saturn1:
you should go to pigface/tkk with me friday i bought two tickets without asking anyone if they were free ... if you are it'd be fun
love?
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
cutthekidinhalf:
it can be fake,,,
it can manipulate you ..
it can help u live in a better world..
it can hurt u,
maybe it's something doesn't exist but ppl are just hoping it does.. eh?
endless love? where?
it can manipulate you ..
it can help u live in a better world..
it can hurt u,
maybe it's something doesn't exist but ppl are just hoping it does.. eh?
endless love? where?
saturn1:
is there any?
Ok.. Nala is fantastic.
I am completely bogged down with projects to finish. Not that I am complaining, because I feel that I am lucky to be a designer that is actually working..
I guess I need to go into hiding and get this work done.
I am completely bogged down with projects to finish. Not that I am complaining, because I feel that I am lucky to be a designer that is actually working..
I guess I need to go into hiding and get this work done.
I am not sure if I could have achieved less in any one day than today.
I have been in a not so great headspace lately. I have no desire, no joy, no "need" to take care of anything.
I want a way out.
I have been in a not so great headspace lately. I have no desire, no joy, no "need" to take care of anything.
I want a way out.
saturn1:
i think i like those contacts better.
i'm sure i'll miss you love
i'm sure i'll miss you love
april1:
I hear that.
I've been wanting a way out for a while now.
Now I have to practice something I'm not very good at: patience
I've been wanting a way out for a while now.
Now I have to practice something I'm not very good at: patience
I am angry, and I am tired.
I am so sick of being forced to let her make me feel this way.
You know that hopeless, terrifying, eternal feeling that nightmares have?
This is exactly that.
Every night since some time in December.
Why am I only worth a few lines on an index card?
Why am I not allowed to fix any of this?...
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I am so sick of being forced to let her make me feel this way.
You know that hopeless, terrifying, eternal feeling that nightmares have?
This is exactly that.
Every night since some time in December.
Why am I only worth a few lines on an index card?
Why am I not allowed to fix any of this?...
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saturn1:
i would fix it for you if i could
I tried to go out tonight.
It didnt work very well.
The banality of small conversation made me want to stab a drunk or myself, or something.
I wish I could be understood.
One person.
I hate myself. The end.
It didnt work very well.
The banality of small conversation made me want to stab a drunk or myself, or something.
I wish I could be understood.
One person.
I hate myself. The end.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
cutthekidinhalf:
hi fovea,
u got a good taste in music!!..oh i'm an anthro & business major...hehe..do you go to school???
what part D-town r u from?? I'm just attackin you with all these queations!!!
u got a good taste in music!!..oh i'm an anthro & business major...hehe..do you go to school???
what part D-town r u from?? I'm just attackin you with all these queations!!!
cutthekidinhalf:
so you go to WSU, or CCS?
so you really live in detroit , that's great. I go to school in dearborn...
see ya
so you really live in detroit , that's great. I go to school in dearborn...
see ya
I had a terrible fever last night, and into much of today.
I had to call in to work.
Pittsburgh was fun. Starli and I had a great time.
I met Jason (belmondo).
I understand her attraction.
I have learned that Andrea is a goddamned retard.
I am so tired of small people. Someone come steal me and take me somewhere....
I wish I were...
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I had to call in to work.
Pittsburgh was fun. Starli and I had a great time.
I met Jason (belmondo).
I understand her attraction.
I have learned that Andrea is a goddamned retard.
I am so tired of small people. Someone come steal me and take me somewhere....
I wish I were...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
vassago:
yeah.. come back.
Life will be even less tolerable with you gone.
Life will be even less tolerable with you gone.
thalia1:
aha! he lives!!
glad you enjoyed your trip!!
xoxo thalia
aha! he lives!!
glad you enjoyed your trip!!
xoxo thalia
Someone said the same thing to me,
a myth about damnation,
or kisses,
or chocolate.
I shouldn't continue here,
I am afraid that I am lost.
a myth about damnation,
or kisses,
or chocolate.
I shouldn't continue here,
I am afraid that I am lost.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
saturn1:
oh love... you know i would come over every day if i could & you invited me... and you know the circumstances in that situation. & you should also know that if you need me you just have to say such and circumstance would then be irrelevant.
im sorry
now i feel bad...
[Edited on Feb 12, 2003]
im sorry
now i feel bad...
[Edited on Feb 12, 2003]
thalia1:
come back
xoxo thalia
xoxo thalia
I feel like hell.
Sunday was hardly describable.
What can I say, I am one of those people that tries to make life worthwhile, and is so full of self-hatred, that I am willing to pursue any ends, even death. I am so sorry to you all, Audra, Andy, Ryan, Brandie. I never meant to ruin your day and make you watch me OD.
You...
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Sunday was hardly describable.
What can I say, I am one of those people that tries to make life worthwhile, and is so full of self-hatred, that I am willing to pursue any ends, even death. I am so sorry to you all, Audra, Andy, Ryan, Brandie. I never meant to ruin your day and make you watch me OD.
You...
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Without You
I am the swimming confusion
of an empty needle,
the beauty of an eternal thought
I kiss your every memory,
becasue they are my Gods.
I am the swimming confusion
of an empty needle,
the beauty of an eternal thought
I kiss your every memory,
becasue they are my Gods.
saturn1:
i miss you