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you know your back is against the wall when the only thing that wants you, the only thing that you can count on, is the thing that will kill you.
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i may be changing my user name on here some time in the next month.

last night i went out to see Sigur Ros.. and what a fantastic show.
i took someone, but i might as well have simply been there alone.
against the backdrop of the music.. i had time to think. i suppose i came to some conclusions on a number of things...
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im tired.
i feel as if Legion is sitting on my chest, making sport of my very life breath.

my 'friends' are people that won't even text me back. i have lost the most precious things i held, and i am stretching to consider any reason at all that should keep me here.
still, i just don't know what direction to look in...
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i feel as if i am standing alone in the middle of 5.9 billion Jerry Springer guests.
my god, where are the rest of you?
it's like a nightmare.
niobe:
It took me a long time to reach the point I am in now.
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i have edited my profile to update it and make it a little more currently relevant.
it was bugging me, for whatever reason, that the information was all so old.

i do not sleep so much now. before Cass left me i was sleeping fine. Now, i wake in jumps or hyperventilating after only a few minutes. We have that moment at the edge of...
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niobe:
Ugh. I know how you feel. frown I really do. It's not a good feeling. Everyone keeps telling me it will get better. I hope they are right.

And I will see your response easier if you respond in my blog. wink
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days in to this shit. no sleep, cannot eat.
as for the more serious matters in life, i am struggling to even move, how can i do something about them.

i have been through this shit too much before. i am not like you. i cannot heal, not from betrayal like this.

i know what must be done, and i am filled with resentment for...
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niobe:
frown
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hm. have they changed the way the blog works around here? i come around so rarely anymore.
i dont even recognize any of the models. i guess i will figure it out.

why i am here... it is this blog, actually. my life is in a state of horrid upheaval.
i was recently left.. by the girl i was with.. my best friend, or so...
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niobe:
frown Sometimes writing it out can be helpful.
vassago:
uh.. people will be able to see this? well...fantastic.
im sure you are right, and im not as crazy as my blogs will sound.. i hope. i am just really, really disoriented and overwhelmed.
thank you for your consideration. it doesnt go unappreciated.
oh, does replying here mean you can see it?
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i wonder if anyone will even read my posts anymore.
it isnt like i know anyone on this site any longer.. though i certainly used to.

i keep saying that i am going to start 'keeping up' with my blog and my presence on here once again, and i did mean that. however.. the last two months of my life have been an unprecedented nightmare...
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I would love to think that the purpose of my life is not the practice of lachrymology.
yet here i am, confused and locked in chagrin.

at least i find some stupid comfort in the likes of tim and eric.
.. which i am watching right now.

I have burned through these last horrible three weeks by focusing on the one real thing i have left...
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It has been a really long time since i have been truly active on the site.

I havent looked through the forums or the newer models in a very long time. Nevertheless, I have chosen to maintain my account here and make an effort to become re-aquainted with SG as it is at this point. Looking around, quite a few things have changed..

Life for...
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I miss her so much.
i haven't heard anything in days, and my imagination is playing against me.. who was she really with? why was i blown off? why were these events so covert?
should i be feeling this way..?
i cant help that this feels like a place ive been dragged to before.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
vassago:
adore me.
vivid:
will do.
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As usual, it has been awhile since i have posted on here.
I rarely visit Sg lately.... though i have meant to do something about that for awhile.

Im going to be adding some images to the "pics" section, should anyone care at all. I've made it a point to get re-aquainted with this site... i see that a lot has changed since i...
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