Today was uneventful. I deposited my rent money in my roomates account so he could pay it, then I took my brother with me on a quest for the "Little Shop of Horrors" DVD. I originally just wanted the Rick Moranis/Steve Martin version, but now I'm searching for the Roger Corman one as well. After hours of searching, we came home with empty hands. Ok, that was a lie. I ended up buying 4 more DVDs, 2 CDs and 3 books. Which sucks, because I'm quickly widdling down my savings, and I have no job. I need to bail on Phoenix soon, so I can get a fake job back home.
My mom is stoked. This is the first time Ive been home in about a year, but she's been working the whole time. So tomorrow she wants to take me out to buy me "apartment warming gifts". I'm not complaining. Its really wierd having lived in a barracks the past 5 years. Its like I lived in a hotel. I have all of the accessories to furnish an apartment- posters, lamps, linen, entertainment- but no furnature- bed, couch, chairs, desk- I think I'll just buy a futon and some lumber. I'll have to build my own furniture after all the money Ive spent on unnecesary crap. Thatll be interesting. Ive done carpentry, masonry and roofing in the past... but furniture.... "Here, come on in and sit on my... ummm... box.... sure, the bricks may chaffe a little, but just look at those perfect right angles."
Well, thats all I've got for you, so the rest I'm just going to make up. After our illfated quest for Audrey II and his band of unique assosiates, Zach and yours truly padded on home in hopes of a night filled with warm family fun. As we daydreamed of the hot cocoa and and the crackling fire that surely awaited us, I began to notice that the road home seemed a bit longer than usual. The noon sky, a bit darker. And the trees were clearly taken with just a touch of evil. Thats when I realized, we had hit the wormhole. How could I have been so stupid! How many times had I passed by that wormhole and said to myself, "Hey, a wormhole. A rip in the space-time continuem. Well, I don't want to go down their." How many times had I said this!
Twice. I'd said this two times before. You know, just in case you were wondering... I'd said it twice. And not at the same time either, no. I'd said it on two SEPERATE occasions.
But not today. Today I'd gone straight through it. What had I been thinking to make me run straight into it? Hang on a sec, let me go back and reread that part.............................. Oh yeah, I'd been thinking about the cocoa and that family togetherness crap. What choices did I have? Certainly I couldn't go back. Everyone knows that when you go through a wormhole, you can't go back. Its common knowledge. We couldn't stay were we where, no. The clowns would be upon us soon. To remain still would be to die. To die at the hands of clowns.
We had to move, and we had to move fast. Before they caught the scent. The scent of Very Sexxy for Him cologne. I get it at Victoria Secret. Good stuff. Our only chance was to find a Starbucks. Only a Venti Vanilla Latte could save us. Don't ask. I just don't have time for your questions ok. Those are just the rules. Venti Vanilla Lattes from Starbucks can reverse wormholes. They're just that damn good. And if you get them with an extra shot, they'll not only reverse your wormhole, they'll throw in a free exorcism. Which works out great cus its been weeks since my last exorcism and I was starting to feel a bit tainted.
So I hit the gas. Evil trees wizzed by as we raced down that foresaken street. Demonic parrallel parkers attempted to impede our progress with their devilishly horrid driving skills. But I dodged and I juked and the whole time, I could hear the clown. Now don't get me wrong, I like clowns. But the thought of being served up before one like a Christmas roast just isn't really my thing. So I drove. I can't tell you how far I drove down that road, or for how long. But the one thing I can tell you, is that I know that when I borrow someones vehicle, and use up all of their gas, I fill the damn tank up. Apparently, my father doesn't. Which is why I'm writing you this journal entry from Hell. And damn, is it ever HOT in here.
Now, this story, as retarded and horrible as it was, was clearly just a fabrication. I mean come on... Who the fuck has a fire going at noon, in middle of summer, in Phoenix. Honestly.
My mom is stoked. This is the first time Ive been home in about a year, but she's been working the whole time. So tomorrow she wants to take me out to buy me "apartment warming gifts". I'm not complaining. Its really wierd having lived in a barracks the past 5 years. Its like I lived in a hotel. I have all of the accessories to furnish an apartment- posters, lamps, linen, entertainment- but no furnature- bed, couch, chairs, desk- I think I'll just buy a futon and some lumber. I'll have to build my own furniture after all the money Ive spent on unnecesary crap. Thatll be interesting. Ive done carpentry, masonry and roofing in the past... but furniture.... "Here, come on in and sit on my... ummm... box.... sure, the bricks may chaffe a little, but just look at those perfect right angles."
Well, thats all I've got for you, so the rest I'm just going to make up. After our illfated quest for Audrey II and his band of unique assosiates, Zach and yours truly padded on home in hopes of a night filled with warm family fun. As we daydreamed of the hot cocoa and and the crackling fire that surely awaited us, I began to notice that the road home seemed a bit longer than usual. The noon sky, a bit darker. And the trees were clearly taken with just a touch of evil. Thats when I realized, we had hit the wormhole. How could I have been so stupid! How many times had I passed by that wormhole and said to myself, "Hey, a wormhole. A rip in the space-time continuem. Well, I don't want to go down their." How many times had I said this!
Twice. I'd said this two times before. You know, just in case you were wondering... I'd said it twice. And not at the same time either, no. I'd said it on two SEPERATE occasions.
But not today. Today I'd gone straight through it. What had I been thinking to make me run straight into it? Hang on a sec, let me go back and reread that part.............................. Oh yeah, I'd been thinking about the cocoa and that family togetherness crap. What choices did I have? Certainly I couldn't go back. Everyone knows that when you go through a wormhole, you can't go back. Its common knowledge. We couldn't stay were we where, no. The clowns would be upon us soon. To remain still would be to die. To die at the hands of clowns.
We had to move, and we had to move fast. Before they caught the scent. The scent of Very Sexxy for Him cologne. I get it at Victoria Secret. Good stuff. Our only chance was to find a Starbucks. Only a Venti Vanilla Latte could save us. Don't ask. I just don't have time for your questions ok. Those are just the rules. Venti Vanilla Lattes from Starbucks can reverse wormholes. They're just that damn good. And if you get them with an extra shot, they'll not only reverse your wormhole, they'll throw in a free exorcism. Which works out great cus its been weeks since my last exorcism and I was starting to feel a bit tainted.
So I hit the gas. Evil trees wizzed by as we raced down that foresaken street. Demonic parrallel parkers attempted to impede our progress with their devilishly horrid driving skills. But I dodged and I juked and the whole time, I could hear the clown. Now don't get me wrong, I like clowns. But the thought of being served up before one like a Christmas roast just isn't really my thing. So I drove. I can't tell you how far I drove down that road, or for how long. But the one thing I can tell you, is that I know that when I borrow someones vehicle, and use up all of their gas, I fill the damn tank up. Apparently, my father doesn't. Which is why I'm writing you this journal entry from Hell. And damn, is it ever HOT in here.
Now, this story, as retarded and horrible as it was, was clearly just a fabrication. I mean come on... Who the fuck has a fire going at noon, in middle of summer, in Phoenix. Honestly.
oooo I love mom shopping its the best. Especially if its sort of a welcome home sort of thing..you will get tons of goodies TONS!!!
You see I would so prefer a chai latte or maybe a mochachino thang... and you know the killer clowns from outer space are really really scarie.
I really do nothing in my day I do a bunch of things in an hour then I vedge out...
my dad made all our sofas and stuff when I was little. my mom would sew up the cushions. they weren't so very comfy but we didn't have alot of money then to spend on things that my dad figured he could just make. he i don't think he thinks that now he changed. alot less hippie.
its really hard to resist spending money on things it makes things so much brighter until you realize you have no more money.
I think I am going to have to test the wormhole therory myself with my drink of choice...I think any drink from Starbucks or maybe from Orange Julious because you know their smoothies are the best.