stella_marie

a brand new day

tonight i lit a match
and i threw it on the bed i sleep in
and watched it go up in flames

i watched the fire as it followed me
but i knew i could escape
up to the roof
where i saw a new day beginning

so i climbed the walls
onto another building
to get a better view

and...
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if you take a nap at 3 in the afternoon and dont wake up till 11pm, is it still considered a nap??

i finally decided to do laundry - im on that brink of no panties again. so i put the darks in one machine, and lights in the other. i tried to be slick putting the whole bag of lights in there and just...
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cunt. cunt. say it. it rolls off your tongue. the best part of the word cunt, is calling a girl that, right to her face. but even better, is saying it, over and over, and meaning it, and her not saying anything, cause deep down, she knows youre right.

janis overdosed on drugs
gorky hanged himself
hemmingway blew his brains out
sylvia plath put her head in the oven
rothko slit his wrists
virginia woolf drowned herself
kerouac drank himself to death

i just need to find my talent

i just cant do it anymore

ok, that whole sobriety thing was SO not for me anyways

remember how a friend said he hated blowjobs
because they made women subservient
you said he was crazy because a woman is never
more powerful than when she has
a man's jewels in her mouth


(excerpt from a nicole blackman poem)


just a reminder

ok, tonights journal is coming in 2 separate but equally important parts. let start with my newest first.

Novella A
My roommate depserately needed a haircut. well, there are lots of things he needed fixed, but his hair was definitely a top priority. he told me he goes to a place where the men dont speak english and they charge $4 for a haircut. i...
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its nice to have pussy hair all over everything again. the kitties are here!!!!! after spending numerous hours yesterday hiding under the bed, the kittens roam freely today. i think it going to get some used to, but they both slept in my bed last night. well, ok, lucky was on the bed, cougar was under. but thats an improvement. here is the first nyc...
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late night opinions.

being a night owl and never understanding how someone can fall asleep before midnight, i would rather take the advice of my fellow insomniacs on a strange question. if you check my pics, i have 2 wonderful cats that i love. they live at my parents house on long island. the plan was that as soon as i got my shit together...
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sorry for that last journal entry. illstabyou is actually a very good father to our two children.

first of all, i would like to apologize to anyone who got sucked into this custody dispute. you see, this is so typical of illstabyou. he tried to get others involved in his battles so he doesnt have to fight them himself. so he has me painted as the bad guy here. but its simply not true. all i want is the child support....
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