deathtoforls

Mental Health is a BITCH....

Yesterday was another fun filled day. I spent it in the emergency room at Suburban Hospital freaking out something fierce. I finally just lost my shit...entirely. I've been unmedicated for the past 2 months due to the trouble I had finding a doctor up here that could see me sooner than mid-July. So, I finally start calling around again yesterday to see if there was anyone that would see me same day. Of course no one could. So, having HMO through MAMSI, the shittiest insurance ever, I call them to see if I can go to an urgent care center. But without having a PCP to refer me to one, I can't. And the PCP that I made an appointment with in mid July says he wont back me going, so I'll have to pay out of pocket. So then I really lost my shit, and called my mom, who told her psychiatrist friend, who then gets on the phone with me and tells me to pull off the road and call 911, and ask that they transfer me to the Psych Unit at Suburban, because I "sound like I'm in crisis." Of course I'm in fucking crisis, NO ONE WILL FUCKING HELP ME! Anyways, I get there and they want me to stay over the weekend to get myself together, but my insurance wont cover it because I'm not trying to kill myself actively. Hmmm....then the ER refers me to a psychiatrist, but she charges $275 an hour and doesn't file with insurance. So, I have 2 weeks worth of meds that the hospital prescribed me, and other han being really shaky, today is ok so far. No panic attacks yet, though I did just wake up. My question is this: why does everyone make getting mental health services so damn frustrating?!!! That's the last thing an unstable person needs. So to my HMO: FUCK YOU. You can suck my asshole, I'd be better off uninsured, then at least I could participate in the programs for those without insurance. I'm taking today off, before I do become actively suicidal. blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh