beeg

Something in me tells me I should listen to him. That somewhere deep in that twisted psycho-babble he manipulates me w/, there's some sort of sense, some sort of caring, wanting to lead me down the right path. Ok, so I'm pretty sure I know that, but when it hurts so bad I'm weeping, when I can't stand up straight b/c I'm so weak w/...
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Big, big night last night. Alot layed out on the table and little to no sanity to bring back. Goddess, I felt like I cried the water out of my body, but it's done some crazy stuff to me. I could only describe it as "feels like I grew up X years last night" I really don't know.

The other night is still rambling through...
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So, yeah... wow. *giggles nervously* Yeah, um... wow. Got my socks rawked last night... *giggles summore* Wow, I"m in love. *pauses sighs* All the way in Tennessee... *sighs again* But it was so great... I mean like "WOW" wow... *giggles summore* I'm at a loss, what do I do?? *sighs* Oh dear...

DOWNTOWN... lol... that's too funny.

"Please come visit me in Va?!?!"

I got to walk around downtown with an amazing woman last night. I was awkward and babbled, and I was really sure I'd thrown any chance of seeing her again into the wind. Then she told me it was great and I about died. I'm not sure what to do or say, how I'm ever gonna do more than babble around her. Grant it, there's...
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FINALLY got those rocky pictures up... I'm loving them like mad. Few days in my life do I feel like I look great and luckily for me THIS was one of them. I'd love to hear feedback...

Pretty uneventful day, got my jeep unpacked, got my plates, am doing mad amounts of laundry. Should have packed, still haven't done to much of that... lazed around...
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Wow... what a crazy past couple of days. When was the last time I was here?? The 11th? What day was that?? Oh goodness...

So the costume party was saturday. WOW... it was ALL kinds of crazy... My Kagome costume came out pretty good (although alot of people thought I was a sailor scout, go figure damn japanese school girls all looking alike!) and the...
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My days (at least of the first portion) left in Ohio are slowly dwindling down and it's driving me crazy. I finally heard from Becky today for the first time since I took Nathan home Sunday night. She's back at school now, getting better but not completely 100% yet... and I chickened. I couldn't bring up a word about mardi gras, about us, about anything....
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I strayed from her for the first time since I've met her, last night. A mardi gras party, some mixed drinks and a beautiful roommate were all it took to knock my morals to the floor. She came over to me, on her knees and looked up at me w/ those gorgeous eyes, all dressed up in a tiny white skirt and her striped tank,...
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These last days have been a crazy roller coaster when it comes to my emotions. It seems like one day everything is going great and I'm exstatic to be home and the next everything falls down around me and I wonder if my blood just runs poison all the time...

I went to BG, I got to hug her, kiss her... all was going so...
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I was really sure that once I got to Ohio, everything would be fine. Something in me told me that the sweetness of being home would make everything better and for so long all had played out so well...

She might leave me...

I'm not supposed to know that, but damn, now that I know... All I want to do is love her, tell her...
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The past couple of days have seemed to fly by... it all went so quickly...

My sanity problems (obviously as I write this from the comfort of my sister's house in Ohio) left me far behind after that last storm. We managed to get a long what seemed like wonderfully for the last few days, mingled with flu-spawned indifference. Funny how a 100 degree fever...
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I think I felt my sanity slip away last night. Every new word he said killed me deeper and deeper until my mind felt blank and raw. The tiny shreads of trust I'd clung to so hard were snapped beneath my fingers and I just fell. I awoke this morning hard and cold (figuratively and physical, damn those couch cushions freeze...). I can't bring myself...
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