audaciazero

Every employment choice I have made has taught me to become more and more observant. I don't consider it a skill, as useful as it can be. A burden. My current job has taught me the art of not reacting. I'm very aware of when I am being lied to, when facts/circumstances/encounters are being omitted based on what my reaction might be, when promises are...
Read More

I pretend I'm better than I really am. Not that I'm in a bad way. More like I pretend situations are ok when they are not, pretend I'm just going to be cool when on the inside I'm not. I'm getting better at the charade but there will always be times when it is written over my face. Like last night.

Just home, soaked from rain, sweating from the humidity, lamenting. Let the weekend begin I suppose.

I am looking for two different kinds of relationships. Yes I am looking for my guy significant other. Someone that wants something real. But I am also looking for my soul mate. My best friend. It's going to take a long time because it is damn hard to truly open up, and because I choose to spend most of my time alone. These things take...
Read More

Putting your cards on the table leads to pain and disappointment. Do not do it.

I've never believed a single kind word. In any context. when I hear the words I know that the speaker does believe in them, but I stop short. I can feel a moment. I can suck you in and devour and give everything at the same damn time. then I sober up and it's back under the surface. Where it can be controlled and nobody...
Read More

On quiet introspective days like this I wish I had someone I could call a best friend. Or any kind of close friend at all. In the mean time it's me, sundies, and Jim Beam.

I don't believe in a higher power. Not in the way that the [no-one] who is going to read this would think. I believe in science. Our planet is amazing, fascinating, mystifying. Recently I read an article about life, specifically whether it has a meaning. Who knows? I've always felt that we are, simpy put, of this earth. We will remain a part of it....
Read More

Recently I had an experience so thoroughly intoxicating that for an instant I was brought to the edge of tears. The unadulterated rawness of a moment is a high of its very own. Until next time.

Sick during a long weekend! Today's plans were ruined, hopefully I can get rest and tomorrow is a better day.