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I was given one of those memory-foam pillows for my birthday. It's heavy.

I've taken up Tai Chi classes.

I've lost a lot of weight, so much so that I decided I should buy a skateboard and try vert.

And now, I'll tell ya 'bout the nervous breakdown, not so much as an attempt to demystify it but perhaps as more of a lighthearted warning....
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"I hate straight people..."

I could describe the girl's appearance, but it wouldn't matter. Shopping malls have a homogenizing effect; the individual becomes blurred. Identity is morphed, a peg meant to be banged into the most convenient hole. Everyone is on sale. This is by no means a phenomenon exclusive to gringos. Ever been to a mall where everyone was black? It's the same thing....
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Fell off the wagon the other night, decided to get drunk; got too drunk.

Called up an old druggie friend.

Went to a bar to make a deal. The deal fell through.

I ended up staying for karaoke. Dazzled the old folks with my 70's repertoire.

Fortunately, someone was there to carry me out at closing time.

A sheriff's deputy, who, coincidentally - was an...
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... and now, people. I will attempt to demystify the 'near-death experience'.

An old geezer once sang the words "There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke". If I'd never heard of the internet, I would sincerely doubt this notion. But, I'm getting ahead of myself; let me begin by telling you a little story about how I...
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... I heard some say once that the world can't tell you who you are, and you shouldn't let it.

Where I grew up from is hardly a town without a name, but it is most certainly devoid of a soul.

There are no mean streets to speak of, but I was once accosted by some bastard sons of dumb jocks who happened to assimilate into one third of a local high school baseball team and, piled into the designated prickmobile, tailed me going about...
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Allow me to partially demystify "crazy"...

It's a commonly held misconception that crazy people don't know they're crazy.

When a crazy person crosses paths with an eccentric, the eccentric often rejects the crazy person.
A relevant allegory might be the mythos wherein a vampire does not cast a reflection in a mirror.

It's also a little known fact that when two or more crazy people...
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Sometimes, I just can't sleep, no matter how tired I am.

Typically, the mind wanders; and in my case, I can recall memories that should have been erased by thousands of dollars worth of drugs and numerous violent blows to the head. I don't know how I can still remember what I was thinking about last night, it was like a flood ...

I didn't...
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erm... still here.

One time, when I was 15, I tried to make candy out of coffee and brown sugar.

It was inedible, but I refused to throw it away. I kept the nuggets in a plastic bag. I was determined to feed them to some hungry animals. Because I hated to see "food" go to waste - I always tried to feed it to hungry animals. For...
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"You hate me, don't you?"

This is my nephew talking. I think he has a complex. We're not technically related, but we're still family. His true Uncles are a bunch of punks (the bad kind), the rest of his family is fully dysfunctional. His Dad, my best friend... kind of an asshole.

I barely know much of my own family. I'm not really close at...
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It's a strange day indeed when you find yourself discussing porn movie dialog and sharing Clamato with the deputy who's dropped by to serve you a subpoena. I'm guessing they normally don't do that, but this guy was a real freak and I'm a difficult person to find (and an agreeable host if you do)...

My favorite scene goes something like this...


GIRL #1 (With...
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