snow

i just want a neighbor hoodie that says GODDAMN. then i can wear my goddamn hoodie in this heat. just my hoodie and me.

i changed my dog's name to "muthafuckin charles"...he hates me. i don't even think he remembers his real name.

london will be kidnapping me tomorrow.

last night was the worst night of my life...but i had fish&chips for lunch, which erases all horror.

what do you do when it is 100 degrees in your apartment? play "hot lava" and jump on the counters. and....bleh.

i think i need to take some polaroids.

and he said.......i am faithfully..holding on to nothing of worth. i am lost in your world............you are a whore, you are so fake.

i have big plans for myself today....

call up the ol' ex boyfriend and get my modest mouse and built to spill vinyl back. fucking bastard.

walk to the store. yes walk. if you are going to use up all the toilet paper, please inform me before i get up at noon with a full bladder.

write anuh. she is cute. she likes team sleep....
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jesus is my landlord....



errrr.

she has contact. internet out of her very own kitchen. no more vanishing acts....mmmm merlot.



....and thanks to tegan i can now have friends.

bored.

that was worth it.

and i enter the world again
vodka cranberry, siren, and gooseberries
but it feels so good
and all i want to do is call
"i could have told you all that i loved you"
remember
banana and chocolate
today the doctor said it was leukemia....swollen spleen and a high white blood cell count...monocytes....i will take care of him until the end...but then what...what do i...
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she broke her foot on the goddamn chocolate
i had heart palpatations till 5am
i took a bath alone in the dark
you were there but your face yelled back
ice water
it is the only thing that i can dream about
spit on my face and i'll hit you again
next time
next time
i hate your tattoos

and here i am. sitting on...
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so who won the bet?

in the deep
i keep telling myself that i quit because i wanted a better life. i wanted to remain anonymous. i hate the fake. i was tired of making other people money. constantly feeling used. i never asked for it. but putting on the red lipstick and walking out to them...i melt.
then...why do i feel regret. why do i see pictures of tour...
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i just keep falling. looking for something. someone to catch me. i open up my own hand...broke my own arm.