betsyjane

Firey pink shirt
elevates my spirits minimally
ghost-like patterns from behind
follow my feet to bed
the magazines are scattered everywhere
the faces staring from the wall
wearing my pajamas to work
in a dream
that one red sock.

I got a PINK gameboy advance. Yay me!
So I wasn't social tonight. I am just a video game machine. And a food machine. A machine machine!
I have to get up superduper early tommorow where I am watching my friends baby from 10 am to 10 pm and then going to work at the store after that.
So really I really should be asleep....
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I'm great.

Everything is good and bad at the same time. There is such wonderfulness, such excitement joy happy glowey mmmm yum. There is misunderstanding and pain there is jelously and hurt there is disorganization and mess there is sickness and fear.
There is talking on the phone for 3 hours.
There is rat diarrhea.
There are dirty cages (including my own).
There is bad food.
There...
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Just got back in town - had a slight crash got stuck in virginia snowstorm flatish tire late for work!

Well.
Tonight was very interesting.
Don't know how to feel exactly.
sigh. uh.
Over too soon.
Yes.
over too soon. left horny and unsatisfied thats for sure.
Very confusing.
Ah well.
I want to stay up forvever.
Work tommorow.
Tried callling everybody I know who might still be up (only 12:21 night should not be over!) but no answers. grrrr.
ah. ack. er. um. oh.

I'd like to tell you
what I'm thinking
If only my eyes didn't hurt so much
If the lenses weren't blurred over with sleep
too much
too little
sporadic
interrupted
I can barely see you through the build-up of excess protien
I can barely get enough light
it stings
I can't see it from inside
the blinds pulled down with burns from a halfassed holiday...
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Drinkin' bud and makin' tacos.
Life is sweet.

Okay!
No work today.
I am bored and alone. aw.
I watched Sylvia (eh.) and ate good food that I cooked.
Now I'm on the internet. Thats it!

Uck. It is 9:45 am. I never get anything done. neverevernever. I get distracted by daydreams and I try to live in them and only accomplish something concrete every once in a while when other people push me to.
I need a cheerleader. Not in the fetishy sence although I'm obviously all about that I just need someone whos entire job it is to movivate...
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So things have been looking up. up up up. Of course the bad still lingers and life is life is life and there is lost and stagnation in areas but there has been much good. I have met new sparks. I have remembered old passions. I still haven't checked my mail in 2 weeks though. Debt=fear.
sexy politics flirting music movies candy bars juice v8...
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Sorry about the not entirely upbeat nature of my last journal entry. And about my absence and lack of responces.
Its been a rough January. Much death. And my new computer (which is actually someone else's old computer) isn't hooked up yet so I'm using a friends.
I'm alive though and I like you.
No, you.