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zyryx

Seattle WA

Member Since 2004

Followers 17 Following 70

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Wednesday Oct 06, 2004

Oct 5, 2004
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Feeling a little to serious... I usually save the downer shit for LJ. Fall coming so quickly and then the rain are hitting me hard. Really hard. Putting trust and faith in others that then let you down... my own step parents tried to kill me... you'd think I would have learned long ago that people are basically selfish assholes at best and emotional vampires most of the time. People will suck you dry if you let them. I'm empty... blackeyed

Looking for a reason... why? You bang your head against a wall, when do you say enough is enough? It's not worth your time; all you're doing is causing yourself pain. Its stupid to keep hoping for the best, only to be disappointed. You see so much in others, what they could be... what they want you to see... smoke and mirrors. You ignore the clues...

People are basically three people in one... how others see us, how we see ourselves, and who we really are. And we are usually the last to see our own faults, we want to think we are really ok, it's the others around us that are fucked up... but what you see in others, their faults... look in the mirror, we are no different. eeek

Most people are at their worst when they are wrong; they haven't the balls to admit they're wrong. In fact most dig in their feet and just make things worse. Scared at what might happen bok bok its EASY to fail, to give up. Like a game of chicken, the first to blink loses.

Like I said, we ignore the clues, view them with rose colored glasses... but shit still stinks in the end. You stop playing what if... if only... maybe it's just a passing thing... in the end what you see is what you get... and that's it... people aren't complex... there is very little under the surface once you scratch it. And that's when they get scared and the worst comes out. When they feel you glimpsing that emptiness they try and hide. When they catch themselves telling you the same things over and over, the same stories and opinions they cling to like "facts". They dont realize all you expect is for them to simply be themselves, you arent looking to be dazzled or impressed. They fear differences, the very things they make us interesting and loveable. Our simple imperfections.

Giving up is hard for me if I cant give people the benefit of the doubt, how can I expect them to give it to me? Who exactly loses what exactly do we lose?

Im going to get drunk time grows sort, every moment that passes we will never get back. Live every moment like it is your last blah blah blah

Yeah gonna get drunk and stay that way for awhile

Why do we keep going even after we realize that there really is no point at all?

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