The brain becomes slightly unhinged when a number of carefully constructed facades collapse.
Most based on interests, social context or professional relations.
Some were constructed during high-school, as a means of self-preservation. Others came along later.
I've always been good at keeping either of them up. Not letting people in. The thing beneath all the facades
is apparently quite wrong, broken and ugly. Or so I've heard. Or been told. Or am simply imagining.
Anyway. Keeping these facades alive, separated and healthy takes a considerable amount of mental fortitude.
Last weekends festival allowed me a moment of peace. Where the mind could finally become quite blank, for once.
What I hadn't considered, at the time, was what the impact would be. When reality came crashing in.
A freight train of memories, feelings and unresolved situations came and basically broke most of what was
left of my mental safeguards.
The facades shattered. Bled together. Fell to the ground. My mind broke, a little bit. At the moment, it's a little messy in there,
while the brain is trying to repair itself. To defragment. And while I'm trying to collect the shards of various facades and construct
something new. Something better.
Suddenly waking up, as from a slumber, at 37 without these safeguards, or any real idea of who "me" is, or what "me" I want to be is rather unpleasant.
But we'll see. One day at the time.