zort

Life has been good for the last while since I broke up with Mel.
I've been able to breathe, relax and see my friends with my own schedule.

Had a few small conversations with her since, seems like i've been replaced already. Apparently the night we broke up she was heartbroken and did nothing but cry and think about things. Apparently she was finally able to see that we wouldn't work and blah blah blah. I'm not buying into it. She can't be alone. Can't stand it. Gets out of one relationship and goes right into another within a week. It's the same thing thats happening now. She needed something to do and was set up with someone by a friend and things went great and now they're gonna be going out again. I don't know if it's just me but it just seems a little selfish and twofaced to beg and plead with me to "give it another week" and for me to have to swear to god that I wasn't leaving her for anyone else and then go within a week and get into another relationship, kinda makes me feel shitty. So much for her telling me how important I was.

While i'm not missing the constant need for attention, I am missing some of the affection, i'm having the kind of day when I could really use some but have to remind myself that there's reasons for me to put myself into this very situation. Its what kept me going back to Alyssa. It's what made me go back and try things over with Sarah. I don't want to be alone, but i know that I can't go and do anything like bring them back into my life.

I will say though that i've had someone to talk to for this whole thing. She's been keeping my mind off things and let me vent a whole ton. There's tons of flirting, we're both crushing and she makes me smile tons and tons. Distance is the biggest issue this time, we don't live anywhere near each other so we haven't been able to hang out at all. I'd kill to be with her right now though, just to hold close and laugh with.

I think I need a vacation.