zort

So I suppose I need to get this pushed out a bit. I'm still super bummed about Steffanie breaking up with me. She ended things because she realised she didn't want a relationship right now and even if she did she's so busy with school that she couldn't handle one. We'd been together for roughly a month and i'd really had high hopes this time. I don't know why this one hurts as much as it does, I had 2 weeks away from her to brace for the impact but it still feels like this came out of nowhere. I think what hurts me more is knowing how things will go from here on out: we'll stop talking for a little while, then one of us will kick up a conversation to show that there's no hard feelings. The conversation will be incredibly shallow and sterile, distant on her part as she will know that i'm still aching to be with her. The awkward feeling will continue on and we will eventually just stop talking altogether and we'll just end up as cold acquaintances who seldom speak but can't bring ourselves to remove the other from contact lists. The hurt is knowing that nothing between us will ever be the same.
Needless to say i've been doing my best to keep busy, spent yesterday with my friends and just played games all night with them, i'm building a computer and am just waiting for about 2 more components to arrive before I can get fully underway, and i've got another social outing tonight. Thankfully i've got plenty to keep my mind busy. I've also been talking to Sarah again, a few weeks back the guy she'd been with for the last year and a half broke things off with her. When she found out about my breakup she ended up stopping in to see how I was doing at work, which was sweet but unexpected and made me a little concerned about things. She wants to get together and hangout again sometime, i'm concerned that she may be rebounding to someone familiar. I already know that i'm very susceptible to rebounds and know when to back off.

Fuck.
Why can't I ever just get what I want? Once. I just want someone to love and love me in return, is that so much to ask?