hooray, another generic entry full of pitiful old flames that I cannot extinguish.
I don't know if anyone reads this, but whatevs
I still haven't heard from Alyssa at all, though I did have her friend confirm that she's still using the same email that i've grown to remember so fondly. I grew tired of having to use her as some kind of communications medium, and i'm sure that I bothered the shit out of her with it too, but she was cool and understanding about everything.
So like i'd mentioned the email was confirmed to be the same and unchanged, to which i've sent an email explaining myself to her in the hopes that i'll at least get a few minutes to talk to her once more, no responses though. However the other day, just briefly I saw the MSN alert of "Alyssa has just signed in" and just as quickly as it appeared, she was offline. A split second. An electronic chime. Her name. My stomach flipped, my heart began pounding in it's cage. That was the closest to contact that i'd had in ages. I know she has a new boy now, and i'm fine with that, i'm glad to hear she's happy and i'm not going to try to change things between them. I just want to be able to talk to her again.
I'd mentioned in an earlier entry that i've patched things up with another ex, Mandee (or Mady as she goes by) and while we haven't been speaking much, it feels good to be rid of the loathing hatred I had for her. However this has come at a price, through facebook I am able to rifle through her pictures and am constantly reminded of what I had, and what I fucked up. She has pictures of her and her new boy together. Smiling. Happy.
The way we used to.I fell harder and faster for this girl than i'd ever fallen before. Every day that I saw her for the few months we were together she would give me butterflies. Sleeping next to her, holding her close. Nothing else mattered to me.
What I wouldn't give to feel it all again. With her, with Alyssa. With someone. To feel that genuine happiness throughout my entirety.
Just another day living in the past, still crumbling, still falling. Waiting to find my lost balance once more.
I don't know if anyone reads this, but whatevs
I still haven't heard from Alyssa at all, though I did have her friend confirm that she's still using the same email that i've grown to remember so fondly. I grew tired of having to use her as some kind of communications medium, and i'm sure that I bothered the shit out of her with it too, but she was cool and understanding about everything.
So like i'd mentioned the email was confirmed to be the same and unchanged, to which i've sent an email explaining myself to her in the hopes that i'll at least get a few minutes to talk to her once more, no responses though. However the other day, just briefly I saw the MSN alert of "Alyssa has just signed in" and just as quickly as it appeared, she was offline. A split second. An electronic chime. Her name. My stomach flipped, my heart began pounding in it's cage. That was the closest to contact that i'd had in ages. I know she has a new boy now, and i'm fine with that, i'm glad to hear she's happy and i'm not going to try to change things between them. I just want to be able to talk to her again.
I'd mentioned in an earlier entry that i've patched things up with another ex, Mandee (or Mady as she goes by) and while we haven't been speaking much, it feels good to be rid of the loathing hatred I had for her. However this has come at a price, through facebook I am able to rifle through her pictures and am constantly reminded of what I had, and what I fucked up. She has pictures of her and her new boy together. Smiling. Happy.
The way we used to.I fell harder and faster for this girl than i'd ever fallen before. Every day that I saw her for the few months we were together she would give me butterflies. Sleeping next to her, holding her close. Nothing else mattered to me.
What I wouldn't give to feel it all again. With her, with Alyssa. With someone. To feel that genuine happiness throughout my entirety.
Just another day living in the past, still crumbling, still falling. Waiting to find my lost balance once more.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
argentumblack:
Thanks bro.
bibs:
is not a snail, its a banana slug!