zort

god fucking dammit
I still don't know what to do about Alyssa. I still care about her so much, and I want to talk to her, but... with everything that's happened, and her telling me that nothing would happen between us other than "friends"
i don't know what to do anymore. I've tried to replace her and move on, I really have, but nobody can hold my attention like she could.
I'm tired of being this socially broken hopless romantic. I need her to be my catalyst for change, she motivated me and made me feel like I actually had a purpose.
I don't know if I should just try to make things back to normal, or just give up.
By making things like they were, i'd be able to hold her again, but would not be able to look at her and know that she isn't thinking about anybody else. I wouldn't be able to say she's mine, and I would suffer for it.
If it gave up, I wouldn't have her at all.
Someone please take this hurt away from me, I think about her and I choke. I want to talk to her. I want so much to spill myself back out to her in the sick hope that it would play out like the movies and she would come running back to me.
I've been dumped, before. Too many times than i'd like to count. This time was strange though, there was no break up. I pined for her, and she brought me closer then suddenly shot me down and pushed me away with just enough time to get a boyfriend and not tell me about it... that should be enough to make me move on, but I can't.
I just want her.
I want to feel her arms wrapped around me, to rest my cheek on her head and just smile. I would delight in her presence. Do anything to see her smile, as it's one of the few things that can make me forget everything.

I don't know what to do.
help me.