zort

Alrighty, so i'm back and home in one piece. The party wasn't too bad, I got to meet her friends and they were pretty cool. I also got to spend a lot of time with Alyssa, too. Let's face it though, she's the only reason I went there. I had an awesome time with her and cannot wait until I can see her again.
However, I am still pretty bummed out at the fact that there is no "us"
When we hang out it's great, she's like my girlfriend. I have her on my arm and a smile on my face. We'll cuddle and all that other stuff as if it were a longstanding relationship, but you'd be wrong to assume so.
I'm crazy about her, she's into me. But she can't make a long distance relationship work if she's in Oshawa and i'm in Milton. I want to be with her more than anything else in the world, but can't.
I can have her, but I can't keep her... it's almost like a rental.
There were a few times I got kinda depressed with her, but I just bit my lip and kept my chin up:
She'd mentioned a few times that she's gone to the bar and picked up a random et al. That cut me up. The thought of her with someone else... it's like a poison.
The other one was when a few of us were sittin outside, her and her friend were talkin about their types, and it essentially went down as follows:
Alyssa: I normally go for the taller intellectual guys
Me: (jokingly) Ha! Jokes on you, i'm not very intellectual!
Alyssa: Ha! Jokes on you, i'm not dating you!
I know she meant no harm, and I know that we aren't in any form of exclusive relationship.
But, goddamn if those words didn't sting.
I love the time I get with her, the feeling I get when i'm with her, and to be honest, I think I do love her, but I haven't got a clue anymore. I don't know what to do. She knows how I feel, and if I were to move to Toronto, than things would be different and she could come stay with me, but as it stands, i'd much rather start something first then move up to that point, instead of just jumping in.
Sigh. / / /