*sigh* fucking work. everyone is real cranky right now- we're trying to get phantom vegas out the door in may, and there's sooooo much to do. my boss was in an uproar all day, yelling at me and the other firsthand.
oh, yeah, i should probably explain how a costume shop works. the shop is divided into teams, with each team consisting of a draper (the person who takes a costume sketch and figures out how to turn it into a 3 dimensional garment), 1-3 firsthands (we basically draw out patterns on fabric, cut em out, and pin), at least 1 machine stitcher, and at least 1 finisher (who does all the hand sewing work). there's also a crafts department, a dyer, and several painters, as well as several shoppers. for the most part, you get assigned projects by team (i.e my team is working on several "masquerade scene" costumes, and 1 costume for the lead female), but you occasionally get to work for other teams. which means filling out seperate timesheets, uugh.
most of my coworkers are gay men and little old russian ladies. actually, most of the women at work are old and overweight, which is fantastic as the bathrooms are right next to the microwave, so you can never tell if you are smelling fresh baked shit or some sort of stew from the old country. there's always something brewing at my job!
so now that we are all versed in theatre costume construction, on with the grumbling!
continuing with the smell theme, there's two women i work closely with who are both overweight, older, and in poor health. and they both stink! it's gotten to the point where i am so familiar with their catalogue of smells that i found myself explaining to the other firsthand on my team what they will smell like at different times of the day. so if yr interested, read on:
woman "A": nearing 60, 375 lbs, eats mcdonalds EVERY morning. sausage mcmuffin and 2 hash browns, every day for probably longer than i've been alive. so 9 am, i smell mcdonalds. ruminate for the 1.000.000th time how i can never eat there again. by 10 am, she smells like french fry oil and urine, and the smell gets progressively worse as the day goes on, eventually lingering for up to three minutes when she leaves her table.
woman "B": probably nearing 70, speaks very little english, save for the word "prepare". has a moustache. at 9 am, smells like cheap dollar store spray on deoderant (the kind with flowers on the can, usually labeled "fancy"). at noon, devours a lunch that usually consists of some sort of head cheese/mystery meat, or a fish and garlic paste on rye bread. usually offers me half. i grab my stomach and make a face like i'm SO FULL, even if i haven't eaten for days. by 3 pm, either smells like rank, old man B.O, fish sandwich, or a dead whale's vagina. i cheer when she goes home, literally.
so on that note, i'm going to go make some dinner and then spend three hours dyeing my hair. it takes three hours b/c i'll be doing 4 different colors. then i'm going to smoke half a pack of cigarettes and wish that the world would hop on it's axis and make tomorrow saturday again.
cheers!!
oh, yeah, i should probably explain how a costume shop works. the shop is divided into teams, with each team consisting of a draper (the person who takes a costume sketch and figures out how to turn it into a 3 dimensional garment), 1-3 firsthands (we basically draw out patterns on fabric, cut em out, and pin), at least 1 machine stitcher, and at least 1 finisher (who does all the hand sewing work). there's also a crafts department, a dyer, and several painters, as well as several shoppers. for the most part, you get assigned projects by team (i.e my team is working on several "masquerade scene" costumes, and 1 costume for the lead female), but you occasionally get to work for other teams. which means filling out seperate timesheets, uugh.
most of my coworkers are gay men and little old russian ladies. actually, most of the women at work are old and overweight, which is fantastic as the bathrooms are right next to the microwave, so you can never tell if you are smelling fresh baked shit or some sort of stew from the old country. there's always something brewing at my job!
so now that we are all versed in theatre costume construction, on with the grumbling!
continuing with the smell theme, there's two women i work closely with who are both overweight, older, and in poor health. and they both stink! it's gotten to the point where i am so familiar with their catalogue of smells that i found myself explaining to the other firsthand on my team what they will smell like at different times of the day. so if yr interested, read on:
woman "A": nearing 60, 375 lbs, eats mcdonalds EVERY morning. sausage mcmuffin and 2 hash browns, every day for probably longer than i've been alive. so 9 am, i smell mcdonalds. ruminate for the 1.000.000th time how i can never eat there again. by 10 am, she smells like french fry oil and urine, and the smell gets progressively worse as the day goes on, eventually lingering for up to three minutes when she leaves her table.
woman "B": probably nearing 70, speaks very little english, save for the word "prepare". has a moustache. at 9 am, smells like cheap dollar store spray on deoderant (the kind with flowers on the can, usually labeled "fancy"). at noon, devours a lunch that usually consists of some sort of head cheese/mystery meat, or a fish and garlic paste on rye bread. usually offers me half. i grab my stomach and make a face like i'm SO FULL, even if i haven't eaten for days. by 3 pm, either smells like rank, old man B.O, fish sandwich, or a dead whale's vagina. i cheer when she goes home, literally.
so on that note, i'm going to go make some dinner and then spend three hours dyeing my hair. it takes three hours b/c i'll be doing 4 different colors. then i'm going to smoke half a pack of cigarettes and wish that the world would hop on it's axis and make tomorrow saturday again.
cheers!!
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
jersey_escapist240340:
such a wonderful rendition of your workplace, and just out of morbid curiosity, you have experience smelling dead whale's vagina?
tattooeddad:
that is so Nick Hornby'esque....I'm rolling in laughter....you have a gift of narrative...HONE IT! 
