First off I would like to thank everyone of you that has had something to say about my lost ones.
This past week I lost a good friend of mine, someone who taught me that it's not what you look like but who you are. He was the one person I never thought would decide to take their own life. Yet he did. At first I was angry, lost and confused, maybe I still am ... however I feel as though my outlook on life has changed. I thought I had it together until Sunday. My wife's grandmother passed away. Now life has given me another struggle, dealing with a person that would rather not talk while being a person who needs to talk in order to deal with life.
Today without any hesitation I woke up and decided to write an email to the company I work for explaining how I hate everyone there. Not because I want to get fired .. simply because I have learned not to keep my mouth shut any longer. I am not promised tomorrow and with that being said I will not spend today holding back my feelings.
I believe my wife is starting to hate me for feeling this way. Truth be told, I don't care .... I refuse to keep my feelings bottled up. Love me or Hate me I will not hold back. I have spent almost 27 years keeping things to myself, sugar coating situations and telling people what they want to hear just to come home and feel worse about myself for being a part of some tactful way of living. Fuck that. I am not promised tomorrow God forbid I die tomorrow I would rather be hated for being myself than loved for being this worlds puppet.
Today should be interesting.
This past week I lost a good friend of mine, someone who taught me that it's not what you look like but who you are. He was the one person I never thought would decide to take their own life. Yet he did. At first I was angry, lost and confused, maybe I still am ... however I feel as though my outlook on life has changed. I thought I had it together until Sunday. My wife's grandmother passed away. Now life has given me another struggle, dealing with a person that would rather not talk while being a person who needs to talk in order to deal with life.
Today without any hesitation I woke up and decided to write an email to the company I work for explaining how I hate everyone there. Not because I want to get fired .. simply because I have learned not to keep my mouth shut any longer. I am not promised tomorrow and with that being said I will not spend today holding back my feelings.
I believe my wife is starting to hate me for feeling this way. Truth be told, I don't care .... I refuse to keep my feelings bottled up. Love me or Hate me I will not hold back. I have spent almost 27 years keeping things to myself, sugar coating situations and telling people what they want to hear just to come home and feel worse about myself for being a part of some tactful way of living. Fuck that. I am not promised tomorrow God forbid I die tomorrow I would rather be hated for being myself than loved for being this worlds puppet.
Today should be interesting.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
alzy:
I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this. Its good to let everything out. Have you tried writing about it? I dont mean here, i mean just for yourself. I think that can be helpful for getting all the feelings out sometimes.
_pie_:
Did you send the e-mail? How was it received? *hugs*