sopke to W tonight. he appologised for his shitty behaviour. he wants to have lunch sometime soon. i'm not sure if its a good idea. i don't want him thinking that if his latest fling doesn't work out he can come crawling back again... like he did last time, and that i'll take him back in again... like i did last time... i guess deep down i knew i shouldn't expect much more from him than what i got. being made to feel second rate never feels nice tho... not ever.
i really need to learn self control.
its interesting that how others perceive us is not often how we perceive ourselves. tonight i was told by someone tonight that i seem really "together"... i am often told this... i guess we tend to show only what we want others to see. i think that anyone who reads my blogs on here probably knows more of the 'real' me than anyone else in my life... and although some of you i know outside of SG land, i can still get on here and feel reasonably annonymous and spill my guts to you all... beats me why i find it easy to talk this way... maybe its the fact that none of you are staring me in the eye. maybe its something else... who knows?
its exhausting sometimes but i guess you learn to wear a smile and be fine when you are amonst your own people... its only when you are behind closed doors and in the safety of your own space, you can take off the mask and truly be the mascara tear streaked,messy headcase that is truly you...
i really need to stop being so melodramatic
i really need to learn self control.
its interesting that how others perceive us is not often how we perceive ourselves. tonight i was told by someone tonight that i seem really "together"... i am often told this... i guess we tend to show only what we want others to see. i think that anyone who reads my blogs on here probably knows more of the 'real' me than anyone else in my life... and although some of you i know outside of SG land, i can still get on here and feel reasonably annonymous and spill my guts to you all... beats me why i find it easy to talk this way... maybe its the fact that none of you are staring me in the eye. maybe its something else... who knows?
its exhausting sometimes but i guess you learn to wear a smile and be fine when you are amonst your own people... its only when you are behind closed doors and in the safety of your own space, you can take off the mask and truly be the mascara tear streaked,messy headcase that is truly you...
i really need to stop being so melodramatic
Like I said, you're one of those incredibly rare human beings who seems to affect those around them in the most positive of ways, and anybody who treats you contrary to that is not worth your time.
*hug*