zombiejunk

I haven't eaten all day. Couldn't really afford food. But I went to an unsuccessful job interview, hated every second of it, caught the bus back here to Ben's, felt awful about completely and totally over-staying my welcome, cried for an hour and a half, and now I'm about to put make-up back on. Oh, I got rained on too. Fuck you, universe. I'm over your bullshit.

I really wish I was at home in bed right now, watching Gilmore Girls and eating Fried Rice, and feeling deeply sorry for myself. But alas, I'm not in a position to be able to do that... As much as I had the hardcore urge to grab a bus home today, I can't afford a bus up tomorrow for ANOTHER interview, so I'm stuck being a complete pain in the ass and severe inconvinience to such a great person. Man, I'm a fucking jerk.

I'm tired today. Tired of waking up without a plan, tired of biding time and having no money, of having no car and of being completely unhappy with myself. The temptation to just sleep when I got back here was so huge... It's huge even now. This may also be because food hasn't given me energy today, but I can't be bothered thinking about it too much.

All I keep thinking is, "I'd give anything to not wake up tomorrow."
Which is kinda scary. I haven't felt like that in years.