I was sort of avoiding blogging about this for some reason. But everyone I try and talk to about it isn't a wrestling fan or doesn't really get where I'm coming from, so y'know... Maybe I just needed to get my shit out there. That's okay.
Chris Benoit, man. I thought you were fucking awesome. I learnt pretty much everything I know about wrestling from my ex-boyfriend, and from that came an appreciation of the wrestlers who weren't big bulky 'roid maniacs... I like the technical guys, the ones who use their bodies and their minds to pull off a really great match. I guess that's what I've always been into people like Mick Foley, he's a crazy bastard willing to put his body on the line for entertainment, but he's also smart and (seems) like a really cool guy. I liked that about Benoit. He came off as a well-spoken, funny and charismatic guy who's life was the industry, and his family. He seemed like a guy who had what he wanted, and was happy to throw himself into the sport and put his body on the line, because he truly loved what he did.
This perfect package of a talented wrestler, nice guy and industry darling was always supported by his friends. People like the late Eddie Gurrero, Dean Malenko... His best friends would always say how fantastic he was, how he loved his family, how he lived and breathed for the industry. I've heard other wrestlers refer to him as their "favourite", or the guy who inspires them. I mean, he's from Canada, in a time of the Hart family and when pro wrestling was glittered with people who today we consider the greats. In terms of a "personality" within the industry, he was one of the best.
So, now I wanna know what the fuck happened. How did he get to this place, this dark state of mind, in which killing the two people he claimed to love seemed like a stellar plan? From the reports, this wasn't some crime of passion... It came about over the space of a few days. He sent messages to people he worked with, stating his address... He WANTED people to find them, to see what he had done. Why? And how did his close friends in the business not see his descent into what I can only think to describe as maddness?
It's funny, I should be angry. I want to be. Generally I would think, "you kill a seven year old child, a defenseless little kid, and you should be fucking shot". But I can't get there. All I can think is about this horrible place he must've been in, mentally. The absolute terror and agony he must've been dealing with... Well, it's heartbreaking. I'm certainly not condoning what he's done, but I can't seem to get past feeling sorry for him. Obviously it's not the same thing, but there was a certain point in my life when I felt empty and lost, and consider/tried to take my life several times. The pain I felt manifested itself physically, mentally and emotionally. But I would have never hurt anyone else, even though who's influence directly caused my pain. So, to feel like you need to kill not only yourself, but your wife and child as well... Who knows. It's gut wrenching.
And I can't stop thinking about the other guys in the industry. I know I mentioned him before, but Dean Malenko was so close with both Eddie Gurrero and Chris, and to have his two best friends die in as many years must be taking such a toll on him, emotionally. And of course there's others in the industry who must be so shocked, saddened and disappointed. The WWE have always portrayed their company as a close-knit and family-like evironment, so if that's actually the case, then I'd hope that they're pulling together to support the more intensely affected.
Just... Yeah. I mean, I'm an emotional person anyway. I have a hard time watching the news because I take other people's misfortunes into my head and feel them for myself, so for this to happen to/by someone who I admired as an athlete (argue the nature of wrestling all you want, these guys put themselves through intense atheletic training to entertain and, to a degree, inform... that's athletic to me), an entertainer and as an all-round cool guy... I'm feeling it pretty hardcore. And as much as I want to hate the guy, to loathe him and to feel betrayed as a fan, all I can really feel is sympathy for what he must've been dealing with. I'm not sure wether that's good or not, but I don't care.
I guess one of the saddest things is that now so many who have never seen him wrestle, have never heard him speak, will brand him as a family-killing pyschopath. The rest of his career and the many achievements he's made will be forgotten. What a terrible shame.
Chris Benoit, man. I thought you were fucking awesome. I learnt pretty much everything I know about wrestling from my ex-boyfriend, and from that came an appreciation of the wrestlers who weren't big bulky 'roid maniacs... I like the technical guys, the ones who use their bodies and their minds to pull off a really great match. I guess that's what I've always been into people like Mick Foley, he's a crazy bastard willing to put his body on the line for entertainment, but he's also smart and (seems) like a really cool guy. I liked that about Benoit. He came off as a well-spoken, funny and charismatic guy who's life was the industry, and his family. He seemed like a guy who had what he wanted, and was happy to throw himself into the sport and put his body on the line, because he truly loved what he did.
This perfect package of a talented wrestler, nice guy and industry darling was always supported by his friends. People like the late Eddie Gurrero, Dean Malenko... His best friends would always say how fantastic he was, how he loved his family, how he lived and breathed for the industry. I've heard other wrestlers refer to him as their "favourite", or the guy who inspires them. I mean, he's from Canada, in a time of the Hart family and when pro wrestling was glittered with people who today we consider the greats. In terms of a "personality" within the industry, he was one of the best.
So, now I wanna know what the fuck happened. How did he get to this place, this dark state of mind, in which killing the two people he claimed to love seemed like a stellar plan? From the reports, this wasn't some crime of passion... It came about over the space of a few days. He sent messages to people he worked with, stating his address... He WANTED people to find them, to see what he had done. Why? And how did his close friends in the business not see his descent into what I can only think to describe as maddness?
It's funny, I should be angry. I want to be. Generally I would think, "you kill a seven year old child, a defenseless little kid, and you should be fucking shot". But I can't get there. All I can think is about this horrible place he must've been in, mentally. The absolute terror and agony he must've been dealing with... Well, it's heartbreaking. I'm certainly not condoning what he's done, but I can't seem to get past feeling sorry for him. Obviously it's not the same thing, but there was a certain point in my life when I felt empty and lost, and consider/tried to take my life several times. The pain I felt manifested itself physically, mentally and emotionally. But I would have never hurt anyone else, even though who's influence directly caused my pain. So, to feel like you need to kill not only yourself, but your wife and child as well... Who knows. It's gut wrenching.
And I can't stop thinking about the other guys in the industry. I know I mentioned him before, but Dean Malenko was so close with both Eddie Gurrero and Chris, and to have his two best friends die in as many years must be taking such a toll on him, emotionally. And of course there's others in the industry who must be so shocked, saddened and disappointed. The WWE have always portrayed their company as a close-knit and family-like evironment, so if that's actually the case, then I'd hope that they're pulling together to support the more intensely affected.
Just... Yeah. I mean, I'm an emotional person anyway. I have a hard time watching the news because I take other people's misfortunes into my head and feel them for myself, so for this to happen to/by someone who I admired as an athlete (argue the nature of wrestling all you want, these guys put themselves through intense atheletic training to entertain and, to a degree, inform... that's athletic to me), an entertainer and as an all-round cool guy... I'm feeling it pretty hardcore. And as much as I want to hate the guy, to loathe him and to feel betrayed as a fan, all I can really feel is sympathy for what he must've been dealing with. I'm not sure wether that's good or not, but I don't care.
I guess one of the saddest things is that now so many who have never seen him wrestle, have never heard him speak, will brand him as a family-killing pyschopath. The rest of his career and the many achievements he's made will be forgotten. What a terrible shame.
writersareliars:
It's a total tragedy, in many different ways. 
kinghell:
Hey, thanks. I'm pretty numb about the whole thing myself. I keep looking for more info about it, despite the fact that it just makes me feel worse. I guess I'm looking for a reason, but it was an unreasonable thing that he did.