yesterday I posted this way emo blog, and within minutes decided that I don't want to be that emo person and then scrambled to think of something else to write.
right now, I'm coming to terms with just how crazy I am. (see? it's difficult to not be emo about this) the big way that this impacts my life is relationships. I'm able to take care of myself-- which took a lot of effort-- I'm able to hold a job-- which took a lot of effort-- I'm able to manage my money, or at least make sure someone else manages it for me.
these are things that most of you probably do without even really thinking about it. yeah, the heart stuff contributed to my difficulties a great deal, but it wasn't the sole cause.
I've been dating myself a little over a year. it's healthy and positive. however, I'm getting sick of being single. yesterday, I hugged my mom and the contact was shocking. I hadn't touched another person at all in several days. plus I want all the same stuff anybody else wants. I want to have someone to talk to, to tell me stories and to listen to mine. I want to have somebody to think about, to take care of, and who will do the same for me.
then I think about how destructive and abusive I've been in past relationships. it's bad. I don't want to be that way.
of course I am working on getting better, but I don't see myself ever being functional in a relationship. this makes me really sad, hopeless even.
right now, I'm coming to terms with just how crazy I am. (see? it's difficult to not be emo about this) the big way that this impacts my life is relationships. I'm able to take care of myself-- which took a lot of effort-- I'm able to hold a job-- which took a lot of effort-- I'm able to manage my money, or at least make sure someone else manages it for me.
these are things that most of you probably do without even really thinking about it. yeah, the heart stuff contributed to my difficulties a great deal, but it wasn't the sole cause.
I've been dating myself a little over a year. it's healthy and positive. however, I'm getting sick of being single. yesterday, I hugged my mom and the contact was shocking. I hadn't touched another person at all in several days. plus I want all the same stuff anybody else wants. I want to have someone to talk to, to tell me stories and to listen to mine. I want to have somebody to think about, to take care of, and who will do the same for me.
then I think about how destructive and abusive I've been in past relationships. it's bad. I don't want to be that way.
of course I am working on getting better, but I don't see myself ever being functional in a relationship. this makes me really sad, hopeless even.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
it sounds like its time to try again.
Sometimes the simplest of touches can startle me because the sensation is so unexpected. My instinct is usually to cringe, like you block your eyes when stepping out into the sun after having been inside a dark theater.
However, once the initial shock wears off, moments like that make human touch feel as vital as water and food.