my boss told me that I can't wear the cowboy hat at work. apparently it is unprofessional. he said the same thing about pigtails.
(sigh)
alright, so you just might know that I have some anxiety / obsessive stuff going on. I count. I have to do things in order. if I get out of order, I have to start over. this is mostly not a problem because I can do the things I have to do in my order and I can keep my counting to myself.
it has been a problem before, though. I am getting better. when I first got back into the job market after my heart surgery, I would find myself in a position where I was going to be a few minutes late. I was afraid to call in and let them know I would be late so I didn't. I was sure they would be mad at me for not calling and showing up late, so I just didn't go in. the first few times, they would call to make sure I wasn't dead or something, but it wears thin quickly and I would find myself back on unemployment. yes, this happened more than once.
not too long ago, I had some extra time in the morning and I thought I could start some laundry or empty the dishwasher. it took me so long to decide whether to do both or which to do that I ended up doing neither AND late for work. so dumb.
but, like I said, I'm doing better. today wasn't so great. the house is for sale. I had an appointment and bloodwork this morning, which is not my usual friday routine. (plus the dude before me passed out at the sight of the needle so everything was disorganized and weird) the internet at work was dial-up slow, which just destroyed my "in order" shit. a whole bunch of things were off. I thought about leaving work. I have no idea where I would have gone, but I couldn't deal with anything.
religion plug: http://www.osho.com
I read osho stuff every day, and today my "tarot card" was mind. I read that and things very suddenly felt not so hard. reading osho generally feels like taking off a heavy, wet jacket.
I went to my first real-life knitting party. being social on a friday night is a good thing, but I was very nervous to go back to this shop. it's a kickass LYS and my brother gave me a $25 gift certificate for giftmas. the woman who owns the shop is very nice.
when I first moved back to grand rapids, I spent a lot of time at this particular shop. I was going to teach a class with a millinery pattern. the shop had a set up in one of the local festivals / street fairs, and I had volunteered to help out.
I overslept. (or something. I can't remember for sure) I didn't go. I didn't call. I was so sure Lorilee would hate me I never went back to the store. she called me a few times about the class. I couldn't answer the phone or call her back. so now, of course, she hated me for bailing on the street fair AND the class.
going tonight was *really* hard. I brought my hobby hobo and pulled out my project, not realizing I was sitting right next to Lorilee. I knit quietly for quite some time, and suddenly she recognized me. see, I have no problem with being forgotten when I've made an ass of myself. I always appreciate the opportunity to make a second first impression. when she said, "oh! shine!" I thought maybe I should leave.
she was not mad. in fact, she had me go into the back room to check out a gigantic flag knit from t-shirts. I told her I was nervous and why I was nervous, and she laughed out loud. she said it was the silliest thing she had heard all day.
I cried. I'm a softie like that.
(sigh)
alright, so you just might know that I have some anxiety / obsessive stuff going on. I count. I have to do things in order. if I get out of order, I have to start over. this is mostly not a problem because I can do the things I have to do in my order and I can keep my counting to myself.
it has been a problem before, though. I am getting better. when I first got back into the job market after my heart surgery, I would find myself in a position where I was going to be a few minutes late. I was afraid to call in and let them know I would be late so I didn't. I was sure they would be mad at me for not calling and showing up late, so I just didn't go in. the first few times, they would call to make sure I wasn't dead or something, but it wears thin quickly and I would find myself back on unemployment. yes, this happened more than once.
not too long ago, I had some extra time in the morning and I thought I could start some laundry or empty the dishwasher. it took me so long to decide whether to do both or which to do that I ended up doing neither AND late for work. so dumb.
but, like I said, I'm doing better. today wasn't so great. the house is for sale. I had an appointment and bloodwork this morning, which is not my usual friday routine. (plus the dude before me passed out at the sight of the needle so everything was disorganized and weird) the internet at work was dial-up slow, which just destroyed my "in order" shit. a whole bunch of things were off. I thought about leaving work. I have no idea where I would have gone, but I couldn't deal with anything.
religion plug: http://www.osho.com
I read osho stuff every day, and today my "tarot card" was mind. I read that and things very suddenly felt not so hard. reading osho generally feels like taking off a heavy, wet jacket.
I went to my first real-life knitting party. being social on a friday night is a good thing, but I was very nervous to go back to this shop. it's a kickass LYS and my brother gave me a $25 gift certificate for giftmas. the woman who owns the shop is very nice.
when I first moved back to grand rapids, I spent a lot of time at this particular shop. I was going to teach a class with a millinery pattern. the shop had a set up in one of the local festivals / street fairs, and I had volunteered to help out.
I overslept. (or something. I can't remember for sure) I didn't go. I didn't call. I was so sure Lorilee would hate me I never went back to the store. she called me a few times about the class. I couldn't answer the phone or call her back. so now, of course, she hated me for bailing on the street fair AND the class.
going tonight was *really* hard. I brought my hobby hobo and pulled out my project, not realizing I was sitting right next to Lorilee. I knit quietly for quite some time, and suddenly she recognized me. see, I have no problem with being forgotten when I've made an ass of myself. I always appreciate the opportunity to make a second first impression. when she said, "oh! shine!" I thought maybe I should leave.
she was not mad. in fact, she had me go into the back room to check out a gigantic flag knit from t-shirts. I told her I was nervous and why I was nervous, and she laughed out loud. she said it was the silliest thing she had heard all day.
I cried. I'm a softie like that.
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
clio:
for sure! 
clio:
yay! 