zombette

still feel bubbly. carbonated. like my blood has magically been transformed into sodapop. this is a really big deal for me, you know. tracey and sarah got accounts because of me. i got all stupid and mushy and kept hugging tracey. i keep prodding her to send in a set, to get in while the gettins good; the girl has class, style, grace under pressure, and shes beautiful... she looks like snow white when you first meet her. then you start talking to her and BAM you fall in love. head over heels. shes That Girl, pretty much. the girl i always wanted to be because shes the girl that everyone loves. you cant help it. and sarah... if she werent so damn devoted to being BEHIND the camera, id push her into sending in a set too. so beautiful. i know such beautiful girls.
its so strange, isnt it, that everyone has a 'type'. at least, im pretty sure everyone does, even if theyre too concerned about sounding shallow to admit it. my 'type' for girls is definitely thin and pale. with dark hair and dark eyes. i think the perfect boobs are an almost B; they fit right in your hand. i love long legs and im a sucker for a smirk. i hate to admit this, and ill probably get shit for it; but i think smoking is sexy in men and women. i dont know why, exactly... maybe because its something thats taboo. i love tattoos on women and men. and i love labraits on women and men. some things that i consider sexual in nature are gender specific, but others definitely apply to both sexes. luscious lips, for example. i would make out with jonathan rhys meyers and angelina jolie just for the priviledge of sucking on those lips.
maybe its not strange. i think most girls i know have a little bit of bi in them. i do. i remember years ago i was in a bar in canada and wasted on tequila and i was sitting on my chair with my head tilted back, my eyes were closed, i was just listening to the music. and a girl, a friend of susies, kissed me. a real kiss.
thats the only remotely sexual experience ive ever had with a girl, and i was too drunk to enjoy it properly. i remember vaguely her talking about her exboyfriend who beat her up and i remember her inching her chair closer and closer, and the next thing i knew, there was this soft mouth pressed on my mouth and i remember thinking 'Wow. this is Nice.' she was so soft. its not like kissing a guy. kissing a guy... i dont have much experience with that either since ive only been with 3 boys and kissed maybe 6, but a guy is scratchier and rougher.
well. THAT little trip down memory lane came out of nowhere. i think i was just looking at some of the pictures of my friends and my favorites and sometimes you cant help where your mind goes. best to just let it roam wherever it fancies; you get the best ideas that way.
i cant wait to shoot another set. isnt that selfish and piggy of me? mostly its that i really want to see alissa again and i have an idea i hope she can make reality. alissa is amazing. i dont know how many of you have had the luck to meet her, but she was a godsend in my life; thats absolutely true. i hope i see her soon. and i hope i meet rigel one day, too. just because she has been so patient and generous with me and she looks like such a cool girl. ive noticed that there are a lot of cool girls on this site; and ive only been here a little over a month.
ive noticed that there are girls and guys too who (from their profiles, anyway, and some messages) seem to get my sense of humor and have some wit themselves.
i hope i get to meet some of these individuals in real life someday. i really really do. i have a few friends in reality, i can count them on one hand. sometimes i feel sorry for myself; but mostly i know how lucky i am to have them in my life because i know that we will be friends for the rest of our lives. fair weather or foul.
list of people i want to be my friends (probably will be updated):
rigel, alissa, dorsal, minarose, misskristina, cosette, anemona, loleightah, gypsy, peyote pessimist, itsy, bully, vanessa, fractal, cosette... )
i want to expand my bubble, i want to meet new people who blow me away. ive always lived for that. its rare, my friends. rare. to meet a person who absolutely shatters you and rebuilds you in a matter of seconds... how can you NOT love someone like that?
i hope i get a chance to meet some of the Girls someday. i really really do. i hope i have the means someday to travel around and just show up on random doorsteps and ask to be let in. i hope i can make it to the next havana party; i know alissa goes and i know SGs from the general area go, so it would be amazing.
i hope i have some new friends. i have a BIG heart. and there are people on here i care about that i havent even met yet. i think thats a great word: friend. i think that might be the best word in the english language.