oh. my. god.
my set is going up. live. in a little less than three hours.
MY SET IS GOING UP. FOR REAL. me? ME? this cant be... i... oh my god.
I HAVENT BEEN THIS HAPPY AND NERVOUS AND EXCITED SINCE I LOST MY VIRGINITY!!!!
yeah, i know, a lot of things can make you just as happy as first losing your virginity... say... eating a ritz cracker... but
THIS IS DIFFERENT. THIS IS SPECIAL. THIS IS UNREAL. SURREAL. I DIDNT EXPECT THIS TO HAPPEN FOR ANOTHER 6 MONTHS, REALLY. at LEAST. i cant wrap my head around this. im CRYING. isnt that stupid? im CRYING BECAUSE IM HAPPY. I CANT REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I CRIED BECAUSE I WAS HAPPY. MAYBE NEVER.
i feel like this is a dream and im going to wake up and realize that none of this is real and im going to go back to sleep and try to continue the dream.
THIS IS MY FIRST SET!! I DONT KNOW IF I HAVE EVER BEEN THIS EXCITED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!
you guys, you dont understand, ive had it pretty rough for a long time. 5 years married to a drug addict who drags you down with him because he prefers company to drowning alone is a LONG time. sometimes it feels like i already lived two lifetimes in that five years.
ive been robbed and lied to and cheated by the people i held closest to my heart.
and yeah, i survived that.
but when i first sent in that set of me in the bathtub, and when that led to shooting Room 509 with alissa who is my favorite jellybeana ballerina on the planet; i HAD NO IDEA I WOULD REALLY BE A SUICIDEGIRL. once i started digging and writing back and forth with some of the luscious ladies in my midst, i realized that it would probably be many months before anything happened with my set.
THIS WAS FAST.
I THINK THIS WAS REALLY FAST.
im overwhelmed. im excited and nervous about something GOOD thats happening for the first time in the history of my life. i cant explain it.
THEY THINK IM GOOD ENOUGH.
i mean, i KNOW the set is smashing (literally; youll see) and alissa knows its smashing, but the Man, the coordinators, whoever is in charge of choosing the new girl every day... they looked at me and saw some promise.
YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS DOING FOR MY SELF ESTEEM??? MY GOD I HAVENT FELT THIS GOOD ABOUT MYSELF EVER. EVER!!! i know its vain and narcissistic and shallow and selfish, but i cant take that on my shoulders right now. i cant feel guilty for something i had no control over. HELL, maybe they just pick a name out of a hat!!
but that alissa, that girl, that girl has an eye for capturing Moments. and shes so comfortable to be around i feel like i have known her for years, and i only met her once. OK, PART OF THAT PROBABLY HAS TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT SHE SAW ME NAKED, but still, her personality is infectious. she makes me smile and i respect and hold her in a place of honor for that.
and rigel herself has helped so much. so much. i still cant get over how she never got impatient with me or brushed me off, even though im relatively new and i am still learning a lot of the ropes here. SHE ALWAYS TOOK THE TIME TO ANSWER A QUESTION OR POINT ME IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION AND GOD BLESS HER.
im ranting. its because im so excited.
oooohhh i hope everyone likes me. i really really hope so. god i feel like the clock is crawling, crawling, stopped.
HURRY UP, BE NINE O'CLOCK!!!
holy jesus. here i come. knock knock.
knock and the door shall open.
i love you. whoever you are reading this, i love you. right now i kind of wish i had a guy to share this with.
thats ok. I AM A SUICIDE GIRL. CAN I GET AN AMEN.
my set is going up. live. in a little less than three hours.
MY SET IS GOING UP. FOR REAL. me? ME? this cant be... i... oh my god.
I HAVENT BEEN THIS HAPPY AND NERVOUS AND EXCITED SINCE I LOST MY VIRGINITY!!!!
yeah, i know, a lot of things can make you just as happy as first losing your virginity... say... eating a ritz cracker... but
THIS IS DIFFERENT. THIS IS SPECIAL. THIS IS UNREAL. SURREAL. I DIDNT EXPECT THIS TO HAPPEN FOR ANOTHER 6 MONTHS, REALLY. at LEAST. i cant wrap my head around this. im CRYING. isnt that stupid? im CRYING BECAUSE IM HAPPY. I CANT REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I CRIED BECAUSE I WAS HAPPY. MAYBE NEVER.
i feel like this is a dream and im going to wake up and realize that none of this is real and im going to go back to sleep and try to continue the dream.
THIS IS MY FIRST SET!! I DONT KNOW IF I HAVE EVER BEEN THIS EXCITED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!
you guys, you dont understand, ive had it pretty rough for a long time. 5 years married to a drug addict who drags you down with him because he prefers company to drowning alone is a LONG time. sometimes it feels like i already lived two lifetimes in that five years.
ive been robbed and lied to and cheated by the people i held closest to my heart.
and yeah, i survived that.
but when i first sent in that set of me in the bathtub, and when that led to shooting Room 509 with alissa who is my favorite jellybeana ballerina on the planet; i HAD NO IDEA I WOULD REALLY BE A SUICIDEGIRL. once i started digging and writing back and forth with some of the luscious ladies in my midst, i realized that it would probably be many months before anything happened with my set.
THIS WAS FAST.
I THINK THIS WAS REALLY FAST.
im overwhelmed. im excited and nervous about something GOOD thats happening for the first time in the history of my life. i cant explain it.
THEY THINK IM GOOD ENOUGH.
i mean, i KNOW the set is smashing (literally; youll see) and alissa knows its smashing, but the Man, the coordinators, whoever is in charge of choosing the new girl every day... they looked at me and saw some promise.
YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS DOING FOR MY SELF ESTEEM??? MY GOD I HAVENT FELT THIS GOOD ABOUT MYSELF EVER. EVER!!! i know its vain and narcissistic and shallow and selfish, but i cant take that on my shoulders right now. i cant feel guilty for something i had no control over. HELL, maybe they just pick a name out of a hat!!
but that alissa, that girl, that girl has an eye for capturing Moments. and shes so comfortable to be around i feel like i have known her for years, and i only met her once. OK, PART OF THAT PROBABLY HAS TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT SHE SAW ME NAKED, but still, her personality is infectious. she makes me smile and i respect and hold her in a place of honor for that.
and rigel herself has helped so much. so much. i still cant get over how she never got impatient with me or brushed me off, even though im relatively new and i am still learning a lot of the ropes here. SHE ALWAYS TOOK THE TIME TO ANSWER A QUESTION OR POINT ME IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION AND GOD BLESS HER.
im ranting. its because im so excited.
oooohhh i hope everyone likes me. i really really hope so. god i feel like the clock is crawling, crawling, stopped.
HURRY UP, BE NINE O'CLOCK!!!
holy jesus. here i come. knock knock.
knock and the door shall open.
i love you. whoever you are reading this, i love you. right now i kind of wish i had a guy to share this with.
thats ok. I AM A SUICIDE GIRL. CAN I GET AN AMEN.
VIEW 25 of 57 COMMENTS
Meh. Yay for your self-esteem!
Yes, that seems to do the trick. I haven't actually seen you naked yet. I should probably look through July's sets now it's only two and a half hours until August (here, anyway). But I'm just too drunk and all I wanna do right now is log into World of Warcraft.
Which I'm gonna go do once I catch up on commenting on people's journals or whatever.
But what a damn lucky drug addict guy. Geez... you are sexy as hell and shouldn't be going through that crap young as you are...
Great set...
Lucks