zombette

i am unqueued now and confusion is mounting. its been a rough month, friends. its been a rough five fucking years, to tell the truth and save a lie. i was just watching the first tour dvd of the suicidegirls and it looked like so much fun. id like to meet missy someday, but i bet she exists on a totally different astral plane than i do. hell, im pretty damn impressed with myself that i got to actually shoot a set with alissa and rigel is cool with me.
i dont understand all the intricacies of this site yet, obviously. i hope i didnt do anything stupid and now everyone thinks i suck.
because i DONT suck.
im a pretty cool person once you get to know me. i dont have a hell of a lot of self esteem, but im working on that... the soon to be ex-husband really did a number on my head. i dont mean he hit me, i mean he psychologically tore me apart.
but im trying to work on that.
and the internet scam? im still on tenterhooks. i wont know anything for sure until thursday, evidently, and when i dont know if im about to get flattened, i get really nervous and scared. im naive. not as naive as i used to be, but i fell for a fucking scam and now it remains to be seen how much i have to pay the piper.
how does a set go from queued to unqeued? did i do something? do i smell funny? i love the set; and alissa seemed to love the set.
oh well, im glad i got my computer back. im going to go read a little. i was up early. went to the bank to see if renee had heard anything, then i went to pick up my computer. im tired and my bones hurt.
i hope everyone out there is doing a whole lot better than i am right now.
amen.