I know that, of late, my journal entries have been as pathetic as watching a constapated octagenarian try to take a dump. I know this. See, here's the thing. I'm really fucking depressed. I attribute this to a combination of things, not the least of which is the badly wrong chemical makeup of my brain.( have I mentioned before that I'm manic depressive?) Christmastime always gets me down anyway, and, quite frankly, I'm going to be goddamn thirty in 22 days. Yes, life is just a neverending fucking party on my end. Yee ha. I'm just so tired of all the people that I love inevitably fading to wisps of memory. Why does everyone abandon me eventually? All my friends are going away. JD lives in california now, I'm losing Greg and Amy to married life, every womanI've ever loved has left me in the end, even the one I never expected, the one I almost married. I've not had a steady girlfriend in four fucking years, I feel shitty about the world, shitty about living, shitty about myself... I'm thankful for all of you who stop by and comment on my lunatic ramblings. I just wish you were more real. Does that make any sense at all? I'm just so alone.
Could I be any more of a sniveling, self pitying coward? I hate me sometimes...
Don't worry tho. Manic boy will be back, sure as the tide, with Cynicism and vitrol enough for everybody, but right now, I'm not the fuckhead, I'm not Zod, I'm just Matt, Tired as all fuck of feeling this way. I don't know if any of you really care about any of this. Forget all about it. In fact, I was never here.
-Oh lord, why did everything have to keep changing like this?
-Maynard Keenan
Could I be any more of a sniveling, self pitying coward? I hate me sometimes...
Don't worry tho. Manic boy will be back, sure as the tide, with Cynicism and vitrol enough for everybody, but right now, I'm not the fuckhead, I'm not Zod, I'm just Matt, Tired as all fuck of feeling this way. I don't know if any of you really care about any of this. Forget all about it. In fact, I was never here.
-Oh lord, why did everything have to keep changing like this?
-Maynard Keenan
VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
and yes he is..
Well I wish I could tell you something to make you not feel so lonely...but I mean I don't know what to say..I understand what you mean and I think alot of people feel that way too...so yeah
Are u happy with something about urself? Are u actually proud of urself for being independent, not needing anybody to rely on all the time?? Look at it that way..whether u are lonely or not, u became who u are and became strong to stand on ur own...that is something to be pround of cuz I know so many peeps who are just with someone cuz they are afaid to be alone. Better to be alone than being stuch with someone..right??