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People say that Hell is a place filled with dancing flames and the painful wails of lost sinners. You would envision a cavernous labyrinth deep within the bowels of the earth. The burning lakes of fire throwing a red flickering glow upon the walls and ceilings of the wretched place.

But, I know better.

I have experienced Hell. I have seen it. I have felt it. Do you want me to enlighten you?

There is no warmth in Hell. It is a frigid place. There is a cold wind that comes from the North that stiffens your nipples and shrivels your genitals right through your thermal underwear. All you can see is blinding white in all directions. Below you, above you, and all around you, everything is covered by it. The shrieks are actually plow blades scraping the streets in an attempt to make this place a little more bearable. Hell is winter in Michigan.