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"And I can't make it on my own because my heart is in Ohio."

Good lyrics, they apply. But it's not Ohio, hell, I've never really been to Ohio, only passed through. Instead, its New York and my undying sense of abandonment once again has my gut in a chokehold as she heads out for another night out on the town. I called tonite thinking she'd be mad if I didn't, that I just wanted to see how her day went. Instead, it's, "We're going out to meet friends at a bar. Talk to you later." You've got to love that, right? And stupid me for feeling this way. I would never in a million years ever tell her what to do. I don't want to be overbearing, controling, etc. But why then feel this sense of abandonment? Good question indeed.

You know, she's told me she always braces for the end, locking her arms out in front of her, getting ready to push against the cattle catcher on the front of that raging locomotive I call life. It's nothing but disappointment for her and I honestly feel like that is keeping us apart on some level. This past weekend, she seemed somewhat distant. Now, I don't know if she had just had a bad day or 2 at work or what but I just didn't feel like she wanted to be close to me sometimes. There were things that we did though that she got excited about but other than that, she seemed just... gone. I know this has nothing to do with the above paragraph but it just started to pump out like a leaky vein onto the blacktop at a car wreck.

I hate being so far away. Oh yea, and being 4 states apart kind of sucks too...