Well, Merry friggin' Christmas. I wish I could say it is greater, but so far, it's not. I had to work all day and then have yet another conversation with my ex about her other guy.
You know, I know she says she cares about me, that she wants the best for me, but I just don't know. I am sure she does but she never really sounds like she does. I just feel so alone. It seems like nobody even truly gives a shit. My Mom, my source of advice, is just tellin' me to "get over it" and nobody else even cares. It sucks that I don't have anyone to talk to. My ex, very sincerely, suggested that I go to talk to someone (AKA a therapist) and try to work problems out.
My life has just been a mess for the past year and a half. First, I leave my home and my family gets turned upside down, then I have to sell my horse, the most important thing in my life, then my relationship of 4 years goes to shit (yea, I really think it was my fault), and I almost lost my job. All of this happened in the last year and a half. I have been jerked around, lied to, treated like shit, and stepped on, and for what? I don't feel like my life is going anywhere. All I really feel like I have is the fire department, school, and my job. God, now I know why I like to drink. If I could right now, I would just drink until I passed out, try and forget all this pain.
Sometimes, I just think it'd be easier if she just forgot about me, just never think of me again. I'm no good for her now, never was. I am a wreck, a mess. She's better off without me in her life. And no, this isn't a suicide note or even close to a warning sign. Despite how shitty I feel my life is right now, I am not the kind of person to kill himself. I just don't feel like anyone understands, that anyone gets this. I should just give up trying, say fuck it and stay by myself. Give the girl I am seeing now the good old "I'm-sorry-but-I-can't-do-this" and save her from the trouble. I just don't feel like anyone really cares one way or another about me.
There's a saying I always tell people: "Nothing is set down before us that we cannot handle and live through." It's funny that that sounds so good when it's other people in crisis. But when it's me... I still feel empty inside...
You know, I know she says she cares about me, that she wants the best for me, but I just don't know. I am sure she does but she never really sounds like she does. I just feel so alone. It seems like nobody even truly gives a shit. My Mom, my source of advice, is just tellin' me to "get over it" and nobody else even cares. It sucks that I don't have anyone to talk to. My ex, very sincerely, suggested that I go to talk to someone (AKA a therapist) and try to work problems out.
My life has just been a mess for the past year and a half. First, I leave my home and my family gets turned upside down, then I have to sell my horse, the most important thing in my life, then my relationship of 4 years goes to shit (yea, I really think it was my fault), and I almost lost my job. All of this happened in the last year and a half. I have been jerked around, lied to, treated like shit, and stepped on, and for what? I don't feel like my life is going anywhere. All I really feel like I have is the fire department, school, and my job. God, now I know why I like to drink. If I could right now, I would just drink until I passed out, try and forget all this pain.
Sometimes, I just think it'd be easier if she just forgot about me, just never think of me again. I'm no good for her now, never was. I am a wreck, a mess. She's better off without me in her life. And no, this isn't a suicide note or even close to a warning sign. Despite how shitty I feel my life is right now, I am not the kind of person to kill himself. I just don't feel like anyone understands, that anyone gets this. I should just give up trying, say fuck it and stay by myself. Give the girl I am seeing now the good old "I'm-sorry-but-I-can't-do-this" and save her from the trouble. I just don't feel like anyone really cares one way or another about me.
There's a saying I always tell people: "Nothing is set down before us that we cannot handle and live through." It's funny that that sounds so good when it's other people in crisis. But when it's me... I still feel empty inside...
Intense...
I came to just say hi, but...even though I don't know you, I'm going to say this...
[forgive me, in advance...]
Your ex is [probably] a manipulative bitch; she keeps telling you that she cares about you so that you stick around...so that she has someone to make feel bad. It's a power issue, son...
AHEM
Hi!