i took half a day off a work today. if i was a more disciplined person i'd be doing something productive. instead i'm putzing around on the internet. might as well update my journal (since i've gotten so bad at it lately).
it's almost May. that means 2 things. 1. my rent is due
and 2. it's less than six months to my birthday. my 30th birthday. now #1 just means i'm gonna have to watch what i spend till i get paid next week, while #2 has me being retrospective about my life. it's my 30th birthday. it's kind of a big one 
i know that in the end it's just a number. i'll still be the same neurotic mess whether i'm 30 or 43 
it's just made me stop and think. especially about the last 6 months. normally i lead a rather uninteresting life. oh sure, every once in a while i go out and play and have an adventure or two, but for the most part i lead a quiet life. which is why these last few months have seemed like a roller coaster of sorts. 3 big things stand out (for your reading pleasure i'll now tell you what they are):
1. i got a cat
some of you may be thinking,
"big deal. i got a cat too
"
well when i stopped to think about it it kind of is a big deal to me. i've only taken care of plants before (with mixed results). now i am responsible for a walking, meowing, pooping ball of grey and white fur. that's a big step up from the bonsai tree i bought at the mall. one week i was considering getting a cat (but probably wasn't) and the next week she was jumping on my bed in the morning cuz she wanted to be fed. i'm glad it happened though. she's my little punk and i love her to death now. if i ever decide to have kids it's nice to know i'll be somewhat responsible with them
2. i got a bottle to the back of the head
wait, what?
if you don't know what i'm talking about, read this. now i have never been assaulted before so it fucked with my head for a while (5 staples will do that you know...). i'm pretty much over it now. the cut has healed and swelling has long since healed (although it's still a bit sore underneath my eye 
). i can look back at it now and laugh. actually i was joking about it that week
"i have a story and a cool scar. chicks are so gonna dig that"
life has moved on and we're all talking about more interesting stories now, but to me it sticks out as one of those WTF!? moments (and again, a thousand thanks to all those who helped me out
)
3. i'm in a relationship now
no, really i am. we're nauseatingly cute and spend all our time together. she has the most gorgeous grey eyes and a fantastic rack. she thinks it's cute that i'm a spaz and laughs at my expressive face. my friends like her. her friends like me. hell, even my cat likes her. so why does this stick out?
"but zgrat, it's just a girl. surely you've gone out with a girl before?"
yes, yes i have gone out with a girl before. even I'm not that socially inept. but in the past i was mostly relationship-phobic. oh sure, it would have been nice to have a girlfriend, but i was never certain. i imagine all the girls i've gone out with in the past wanna throttle me for being so aloof and capricious
it was always "well she's cool but..." and there was some reason why i knew it wouldn't work out. this feels different though. it's not so much that i'm unsure, it's that i don't have a feeling of apprehension about being in a relationship with her. i'm not afraid to give this one a chance. fate is a fickle bitch so i don't know what's going to happen in the future, but so far things are going great. i hope it stays that way 
now i may have just finished tell you all about the fantastic girl i'm going out with, but there's a little bit more to this tale (remember that roller coaster?). ok, ok, i've been babbling for a while now so i'll just give you the cliff notes version. now, things may be going great with the girl, but the circumstances under which we got together caused a lot of confusion and hurt feelings. i feel really bad about this as this was the last thing i wanted. i don't think there is anything i can say or do to help the situation. at this point it seems like it would be too little too late
i know i shouldn't dwell on the negative. what's done is done and eventually everyone will move on. still, i wish things had turned out differently
with all the ups and downs in the last couple of months i'm wondering what the next 5 months are gonna be like? eh, knowing me it'll be pretty boring. except for the hawaii trip. and maybe a trip to vegas. and my friend jed's birthday (oh, that one is gonna hurt... ). ok so maybe it won't be so quiet after all
it's almost May. that means 2 things. 1. my rent is due
and 2. it's less than six months to my birthday. my 30th birthday. now #1 just means i'm gonna have to watch what i spend till i get paid next week, while #2 has me being retrospective about my life. it's my 30th birthday. it's kind of a big one i know that in the end it's just a number. i'll still be the same neurotic mess whether i'm 30 or 43 it's just made me stop and think. especially about the last 6 months. normally i lead a rather uninteresting life. oh sure, every once in a while i go out and play and have an adventure or two, but for the most part i lead a quiet life. which is why these last few months have seemed like a roller coaster of sorts. 3 big things stand out (for your reading pleasure i'll now tell you what they are):1. i got a cat
some of you may be thinking,
"big deal. i got a cat too
" well when i stopped to think about it it kind of is a big deal to me. i've only taken care of plants before (with mixed results). now i am responsible for a walking, meowing, pooping ball of grey and white fur. that's a big step up from the bonsai tree i bought at the mall. one week i was considering getting a cat (but probably wasn't) and the next week she was jumping on my bed in the morning cuz she wanted to be fed. i'm glad it happened though. she's my little punk and i love her to death now. if i ever decide to have kids it's nice to know i'll be somewhat responsible with them
2. i got a bottle to the back of the head
wait, what?
if you don't know what i'm talking about, read this. now i have never been assaulted before so it fucked with my head for a while (5 staples will do that you know...). i'm pretty much over it now. the cut has healed and swelling has long since healed (although it's still a bit sore underneath my eye ). i can look back at it now and laugh. actually i was joking about it that week "i have a story and a cool scar. chicks are so gonna dig that"
life has moved on and we're all talking about more interesting stories now, but to me it sticks out as one of those WTF!? moments (and again, a thousand thanks to all those who helped me out
)3. i'm in a relationship now
no, really i am. we're nauseatingly cute and spend all our time together. she has the most gorgeous grey eyes and a fantastic rack. she thinks it's cute that i'm a spaz and laughs at my expressive face. my friends like her. her friends like me. hell, even my cat likes her. so why does this stick out?
"but zgrat, it's just a girl. surely you've gone out with a girl before?"
yes, yes i have gone out with a girl before. even I'm not that socially inept. but in the past i was mostly relationship-phobic. oh sure, it would have been nice to have a girlfriend, but i was never certain. i imagine all the girls i've gone out with in the past wanna throttle me for being so aloof and capricious
it was always "well she's cool but..." and there was some reason why i knew it wouldn't work out. this feels different though. it's not so much that i'm unsure, it's that i don't have a feeling of apprehension about being in a relationship with her. i'm not afraid to give this one a chance. fate is a fickle bitch so i don't know what's going to happen in the future, but so far things are going great. i hope it stays that way now i may have just finished tell you all about the fantastic girl i'm going out with, but there's a little bit more to this tale (remember that roller coaster?). ok, ok, i've been babbling for a while now so i'll just give you the cliff notes version. now, things may be going great with the girl, but the circumstances under which we got together caused a lot of confusion and hurt feelings. i feel really bad about this as this was the last thing i wanted. i don't think there is anything i can say or do to help the situation. at this point it seems like it would be too little too late
i know i shouldn't dwell on the negative. what's done is done and eventually everyone will move on. still, i wish things had turned out differentlywith all the ups and downs in the last couple of months i'm wondering what the next 5 months are gonna be like? eh, knowing me it'll be pretty boring. except for the hawaii trip. and maybe a trip to vegas. and my friend jed's birthday (oh, that one is gonna hurt...
). ok so maybe it won't be so quiet after all VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
garagedelfuego:
Just wait until you're in your 30's, it all just gets better. I'm so glad to hear things are going well between you two, you're so cute together. I understand you feel bad about others getting hurt by it, but in the end all we can do is follow our hearts and be honest and hopefully in the end everyone will understand and be ok.
pharcyde:
beer? bah! mixed drinks are way better.