zeus013

When I was young and in school, which was a brief stint between kintergarden up to 6th grade; other kids and teachers alike agreed I was fairly peculair. (not so surprising that I still get labeled eccentric, though now I tend to agree and maybe even revel in it. I am, what I am---says popeye!) I spent the majority of my time in those days attempting and succedding to avoid math, and usually spent that time drawing mini comics that I sold for 50cents or traded at lunch time.
The main reason I got waylaid on my artistic road, academically speaking, is due to those years out of school. My parents quazi home schooled my two brothers and I, and then after about a year, we just got books stacked in nice little piles outside our doors and a mother who was most often asleep. And I, being math dyslexic, and not knowing, couldn't figure out why I couldn't teach myself math.
When I entered college I avoid the math part of the assesment test (obviously, didn't have a high school diploma as I never did get the math thing) and spent the next few years taking every art, english, and history class I could. I gathered up a pretty good portfolio over the years and several recommendation letters, but I still needed that high school diploma. I even approached calarts and they said they would accept me and was told not to worry about being able to pay for it, just get that diploma or ged--however I could.
Then I would try to teach myself again, or have someone teach me, but to no avail. My last tutor finally noticed I was math dyslexic, which at least let's me know I'm not stupid as the cops in my head were telling me.

So each build up and let down, would lead to a bout of self destructive behavior... and that is what I mean by not wasting time and taking things seriously. And I have the diploma thing covered at this point. But no more of that vicious cycle with no resolution. It's time to more forward by opening the door and stop trying to walk through it without opening it first.

That is an exceedingly complex family issue, complicated on many levels, and one of those decisions or turning points in ones life where everything that is now leads back to. Some how or another. Though I will say that equal amounts of both good and bad has come of it, though it is the one decision I wish I would have been able to change or at least sway. (though, I rather wish, they just hired me a tutor, because to be honest growing up without the pressures of social cliches and such not. I was more open to what was just beyond the mainstream, or more into art and reading, and all manner of things. I never really worried about fitting in or being cool. I just was who I choose to be. I think it's made me a bit stubborn and yeah--eccentric.) Though I put up all kinds of hell, as I had no desire to leave school and my friends and the sort of life a 12 year old has at that time. My parents, my mother mainly would not be swayed.
There were a few factors or reasons, but it basically comes down to my mom and our family experiencing a tragedy, that of the loss of child. I'm not going to go into many details because the majority of it is my mom's story, and so not mine to tell publiclly. But she went through a great deal of pain and suffering in an attempt to save him, and can quite close to dying herself in the proccess, but she didn't succeed. After that she became fiercly protective and her only desire was that her children be as near as possible. So home schooling, with her as the teacher and her children home round the clock and safe. Unfourtanetly, she got very depressed a few months after this home schooling was instituted, and then it was books by the door to read at your lesuire, and choose your own subjects.

I can't completely fault her for her decision or her desire to be with and protect her children.. But I can not say it's made my life easier, quite the opposite, but then again, routinly giving up and becoming self destructive was my choice, after the fact. So.... Whatch'a going to do..

choose otherwise I suppose..