Relationship Recipe:
1) Add one part cloud, 2 parts of selective amnesia, and one part of unwarranted exuberance to your judgement. Mix this all in together until the judgement's become a real mess. It should have a rosy tint to it if you've done it right. Put this on one side.
2) Chop up your hopes and dreams into small pieces so that when mixed with the other ingredients, they will dissolve. Put them in a mixing bowl.
3) Add the good times and the laughter to your mixing bowl. Do this immediately - leave them on the chopping board for too long and they turn sour.
4) Add the contents of your mixing bowl to a saucepan, this will supply the base of your relationship.
5) Cook for any length of time; It doesn't matter how long because all the ingredients are ephemeral and so aren't really there anyway.
6) Juice the heart; save the dried out husk for later. Take the blood, mix it with the tears and the sweat and put it the mixing bowl with the judgement.
7) Take your judgement. Add one part resignation, one part jealousy, one part stagnation and one part of cold, bitter resentment and you have your final mix.
8) Put this slop in a casserole dish. Season the judgement with houses, cats, dogs, kids, cars etc. Really let your imagination go wild here. At the end of the day, it's your relationship, you want it to taste just how you like it. If you're not sure, just add what you've added in the past, at least that way you know where you stand and you won't be surprised.
9) Finally for that little something extra, take a knitting needle and stab the heart repeatedly until there's heartbreak everywhere. Slap that on top.
10) Take this final mixture, bake it in the oven until it's completely fucked and all that's left is a hard impenetrable substance that's useless for all future use.
Also, worth noting that this recipe will make you really thin - depressed, but thin. And at the end of the day, in our society, being thin's what's important.
Today's celebrity chef was Zetetic, brought to you by Hard Won Cynicism productions. Have a nice day.
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Phil Hale:
1) Add one part cloud, 2 parts of selective amnesia, and one part of unwarranted exuberance to your judgement. Mix this all in together until the judgement's become a real mess. It should have a rosy tint to it if you've done it right. Put this on one side.
2) Chop up your hopes and dreams into small pieces so that when mixed with the other ingredients, they will dissolve. Put them in a mixing bowl.
3) Add the good times and the laughter to your mixing bowl. Do this immediately - leave them on the chopping board for too long and they turn sour.
4) Add the contents of your mixing bowl to a saucepan, this will supply the base of your relationship.
5) Cook for any length of time; It doesn't matter how long because all the ingredients are ephemeral and so aren't really there anyway.
6) Juice the heart; save the dried out husk for later. Take the blood, mix it with the tears and the sweat and put it the mixing bowl with the judgement.
7) Take your judgement. Add one part resignation, one part jealousy, one part stagnation and one part of cold, bitter resentment and you have your final mix.
8) Put this slop in a casserole dish. Season the judgement with houses, cats, dogs, kids, cars etc. Really let your imagination go wild here. At the end of the day, it's your relationship, you want it to taste just how you like it. If you're not sure, just add what you've added in the past, at least that way you know where you stand and you won't be surprised.
9) Finally for that little something extra, take a knitting needle and stab the heart repeatedly until there's heartbreak everywhere. Slap that on top.
10) Take this final mixture, bake it in the oven until it's completely fucked and all that's left is a hard impenetrable substance that's useless for all future use.
Also, worth noting that this recipe will make you really thin - depressed, but thin. And at the end of the day, in our society, being thin's what's important.
Today's celebrity chef was Zetetic, brought to you by Hard Won Cynicism productions. Have a nice day.
----
Phil Hale:
VIEW 22 of 22 COMMENTS
solipsis:
Did those Lurker of Chalice links get to you? My computer randomly rebooted as I clicked Send, so let me know if I need to message you again.
annalee:
You find amazing things! I really loved the Japanese art you showed me, I had only just seen some of that work, it's really beautiful. I hoep you're well, the recipie sounded most accurate! I should spend more time in your journal, looking at the interesting things.