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zero

South of Heaven West of Hell aka the Black Hole

SG Since 2004

Followers 697 Following 171

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Sunday Nov 13, 2005

Nov 13, 2005
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Coming back and seeing how much everything has changed really, truly depresses me. I miss the dirty, rundown old town. Compared to the new "commerce" driven city that has inhabited its remains. At least the old town had some character. You'd walk down the abandoned streets looking at the rundown shops and vacated buildings. It was truly a ghost town. The only life came from a few sparradic transients and the painted murals on the walls of broken buildings. One time I walked down the streets and remembered hearing someone playing a guitar- it was so silent that you could actually hear the noise a few blocks away in the middle of the city. My friend and I stood listening for a while and then continued on our way. The casinos were always kind of fun (a city in the middle of the bible belt and the only life there is is at a casino).
Mostly I think I miss a dear friend that was there from me when a best friend had abondoned me. I've been thinking of him a lot (not in the attracted, boyfriend kinda way). I remember roaming around the dead city wreaking havoc wherever possible. Blasting Exploited through his brokedown truck windows and yelling at the "innocent" jesus lovers. We made the dead town interesting. We'd stop by the river or park, have a sit and just listen to the stillness. Talk about music or life or anything. I miss my South African buddy.

These past few days have really shown me how much I don't want to be a part of the American housewife way. Getting married, having babies, and settling down. 1st of all, I NEVER want to get married. 2nd, I NEVER want to have a baby, literally have a baby, someday I may adopt. 3rd, I can never see myself settling down. I think I'm destined to be a nomad. I think that's part of the reason I love my new job so much.
All of my close friends are getting married and having babies. It's kinda a slap in the face- Kelly where and what are you doing?!? huH? NOTHING- you're not even going to school. You've got a boyfriend of about 2 years now, ARE YOU GOING TO MARRY HIM? Yeah, I feel like a loser but at least I can maintain MY FREEDOM!!! I never want to be tied down. I want to be able to jet whenever I want to. To get away- to start again if I so desire. FUCK THIS "AMERICAN WAY".
VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
evalution:
People are really asking you if you want to get married to your bf?! Come on, you guys are 'only' together for 2 years and you're just 21!!! I think it's bery healthy you want to see a bit more of the world before you settle down, if you're even want to settle down! Silly people over there..... wink
Nov 16, 2005
temper:
Thanks for your comment on my set! I'm planning a new one (Charlie will be my photographer, at least I really hope we get it done before I go back to Berlin)

Curiously, I was asked by three people the other day why exactly I do not have a baby yet. I was rather estranged by that...


miao!! skull miao!! skull
Nov 17, 2005

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