zeriah

I recently became available and now I am back on the prowl. Soon after Dick and I broke up I began to learn something about love and relationships and the horrible reality that humans simply aren't meant for monogomy unless it is forced. I have no drive to force myself into monogomy nor do I have a desire to "settle" for less than what I think I deserve even if what I think I deserve seems to be non-existant. I have been doing well with emotional detattchment, perhaps too well? On my "journey" to "self discovery" I noticed something about myself. I do not miss people. People I should miss family members, friends that I"ve lost over the years, lovers that I said I'd cherish forever....I don't miss them. They might pop up in my mind due to some trigger but once I'm done reminicing about them briefly they are no longer a thought. Does this make me cruel? Cold? Maybe I'm normal but an ex mentioned to me the other week that I do not know how to love, I can't commit because I have emotional issues. Personally I thought I couldn't commit myself to one guy forever because I do not have the desire to settle down. Also I find myself "in love" with more than one male. If I could marry two or three guys and rotate them throughout the week, my marriage would be fabulous, but I can't marry three men at once and if I could I don't think any of the three would be okay with it. So yeah I'm single, no I don't want commitment, no I don't want "one night stands" and no I don't want a guy that will lower my IQ 5 points just by exchange of three words. I have standards that's all. A night at the bar doesn't mean guy hangs all over me to procure his status as my male for the evening nor does it mean grinding heavily on the dance floor. It means some shots, some pool, maybe a mosh pit if we're lucky after which we buy a bottle of Jack and lay on the hood of my crappy station wagon in a field watching stars having meaningful conversation sharing swigs from the bottle and smokin a joint. That's a helluva date in my opinion. Anyway, yeah the few dates I've been on have sucked so far. Give me a break already. Well, I've hooked up with some guy friends and found I enjoy casual sex with them on a semi regular basis. It works for the time being. I am enjoying being free spirited a little mysterious and a little rebelious. Anyway, going to school in the fall studying to be a mortician, it's gonna rule. Alright I better turn in I'm not making much sense and possibly repeating myself. I'm tired. Later.