zenobia

I really hate how I feel so weird and paranoid around you now. It wasn't always like that and I wish I could go back to the days when every moment together was great. Maybe I feel weird because I don't know what role I play in your life. I like knowing my position and with you I have no clue. I hate rolling over in bed and reaching my hand out to find you not there. It makes me sad to need you and know that you don't want or need me in the same way. I have so much I need to say to you that I never will because I can't. I guess this means our friendship is over because I can't deal and I can't let you know the truth. If I can't tell you the truth then I can't be your friend. The truth is I hate being your friend because it's not really enough. I'm cutting off my nose to spite my face, but I can deal with intense pain better than the dull aching that I have everyday being just your friend. But then again being your friend is better than nothing. Man I even confuse myself sometimes. Drastic times calls for drastic measures. The drastic measuring being cutting myself off completely from you. I hate to be rude and clue you in on the situation, but it's so much easier than sitting face to face and talking about. My friend Julie says I'm being irrational and immature about the situation. She thinks that putting my feelings on the table will be much better than just walking away. She says I don't give you enough credit as a decent person. Maybe she is right but I can only trust one person with my true feelings and it's her. So maybe I should take her advice and open up but I know that I won't. I'll end up shutting down and walking away because that's what I'm good at. Farewell my friend it's been great having you around. To bad I had to be a douche and end it in this manner.

Of course i'll change my mind tomorrow and still want to be your friend and secretly long for you. I'm just crazy like that.

Enough of that. I hope everyone has a delightful weekend. I plan on going up to Graveyard fields with Julie on Saturday. I'll have a good time because I always have a good time hanging my "albino" half. what r your plans for the weekend?

Camping trip in three weeks. WOOHOO!!!!

I stole my new profile pic from Fork's journal because it's a better representation of how look now. Plus it makes me look like less of a fatty than I am in real life.