zenexistence

Trying to explain to a friend that you, 'only want to be friends', has got to be the worst feeling in the world.

I dealt with this issue last night.
I feel terrible.
I have a girl who I dig totally, but more as a great friend than a lover, although that line was blurred a few weeks back when were both lamenting about being single.
With a fair amount of alcohol imbibed, things happened between us.
We discussed it later, she asked my feelings, and I explained to her that friendship was the best course -- I didn't want to chance losing the special bond that we had.
No, geniuses, this wasn't a line -- it's the truth.
We click so well, know each other so well [or so I thought] and have so many similarities -- but I don't see her as anything more than a good friend.
For a few weeks we did the occasional 'friends with benefits'-thing. I should have known it wouldn't have been that easy.

She pulled me aside last night, irritated that I was talking to a female friend, and kinda gave me the third degree. I didn't realize that she wanted to pursue more of a relationship and I had to explain that I didn't see that as the best course of action between us.
I now feel like a total ass that I let what happened happen.
Now, quite possibly, I have lost an excellent friend because of a lack of better judgement on my part. It makes me feel supremely selfish.

For the record, I will never attempt the idiotic 'friends with benefits' bullshit again. Ever. To a lesser or greater degree, it always seems to leave one of the parties injured.

Add this all to the fact that I was called 'trouble' AGAIN, ala, "He's that rockabilly guy I was telling you about -- he's trouble."

Christ, I might just start believing that line soon.

Hello, little hole -- I'm going to crawl back into you for a while.

-Scotty