zenexistence

So the pictures I took with my iPhone are monstrously large so it's taking a while to resize them. What this means is that you will not get the full 120 picture deluge that I was planning to deliver upon you. Tragic, yes, but somehow I think you'll escape with only slight cuts and bruises from this somewhat lacking optical conundrum.

ALSO apparently some pictures posted sideways although they're not shot that way. Fuck you, site, I am not fixing them.

Things I learned this Christmas holiday:

- I didn't realize how badly I missed having a White Christmas (isnotcocainereference!) until I experienced it again this year. This was my first one in 25 years and it turned me into a giddy, giggling, gibbering, gurgling, gallivanting, gravitationally-glistening child.

- I hate mimosa's. "Oh, look, lets take bubbly fizzy shit and mix it with acidic orange fruity shit." Fail and fail. I think mimosa is Peruvian for "significant gastrointestinal purging".

- I utterly adore my parents. Uh. Door. My father, who is not even remotely nostalgic, brought out pictures of he and my Mom on their honeymoon in 1969.
Please note they are still married four decades later.
I was in heaven.
Speaking of parents -- SOFUCKINGGOOD!

My Mom is such a little hipster and Pop was swank as hell. My Mom said that in all of her pics the clothing you see her wearing is something that she made herself!

- A White Christmas, while scenic and ideal in many senses, is a nightmare if you live in the rural hills of North Carolina. We were snowed in for three days because secondary roads are not maintained by the state. Fuck yew, State.

- Cabin Fever is not the name of a band of a retarded half-wit B movie, it's an actual condition and I've now experienced it but it wasn't altogether half bad. Granted if it had gone on past three days I might have started eating my own socks or possibly building the Eiffel Tower out of dryer lint due to boredom, but ...

- Sometimes your friends are so much more amazing when they don't know you're looking. As creep as that might sound, I got a chance to observe a dear friend in day-to-day interactions (due to said outbreak of cabin fever) and that made me appreciate her depth and personality all the more. These are facets that you wouldn't normally see in the standard one-on-one dynamic.

- "Gravitationally-glistening"? That doesn't even make any sense.

- All my talk of moving had, up until these past few weeks, been relatively half-hearted. After careful reflection it is no longer that. Maybe on a subconscious level I have been preparing myself for this transition but during the past few days I've actually laid all of these mental pieces out on the my mental table and examined them with my mental microscope.
I have to move.
I need to move.
I'm not getting any younger and I have to experience what I can, while I can.
So the scouting process is beginning again.
Time to travel.

- I've always sought out big cities as a place of comfort; there is something captivating about the hustle and bustle of the chaotic creature that is a city. I'm beginning to rethink this logic. I love quaint, and while I realize that quaint can quickly transition into "boring as death' I'm starting to think that city size, much like penis size, might be overrated

- I like chocolate-covered liquor cherries. I loathe regular cherries. Gee, this bodes well for the future.

- Speaking of penis size; four wheel drive trucks. They are NOT just for hicks with genitalia issues. They are also a useful tools (haha!) to circum(haha!)navigate sixteen inches of snow-covered terrain without slip-sliding into a ditch.

- I have the propensity for a sarcastic demeanor (no, really?) and, while I take this as the gift that Zeus intended it to be, it must be wielded lightly around those that lack the propensity for common sense lest I inadvertently injure them. How would you explain disfigurement due to sarcasm?

- Seriously, "gravitationally-glistening" belongs more in a sci-fi porn than in a overgrown child's description of holiday cheer.

- I actually used to heinously dislike the term love and believe it was (is) overused much too often on even the most ridiculous of subjects ala "I love these toenail clippings that I keep in a box under my bed."
Oh do you?
Do you really now?

Love
noun
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
6. a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
7. sexual intercourse; copulation.
8. ( initial capital letter ) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.
9. affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.
10. strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.
11. the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.
12. the benevolent affection of god for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.
13. Chiefly Tennis . a score of zero; nothing.

I think not.
Unless you a referring to the tennis score aspect, in which case I totally understand your fondness for the toenail clippings used, obviously, in an attempt to score the game.
Diatribe aside, I have been feeling "love" towards so much as of late that it makes me wonder if I'm sick and dying or possibly, stupid.
"A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection".
Yessir, I have this.
I don't know why.
Nossir.
Maybe it's because I'm beginning to realize how fleeting life is and how even the smallest of things shared are worth the time or effort spent, regardless as to how insignificant they may seem at the moment?

- Driving on icy roads is hysterical. If. If. Iffff you're driving a rental car with full insurance coverage.

- I've never had a remote-controlled vehicle. Not car, nor helicopter, nor tank, nor annnnything.
I am getting one.
Totally.
I think a helicopter that I can play with indoor and out.
Mostly in.
And I think I'll get a car too.
Mostly in but also out.
I want to use the helicopter to buzz my roommates room when they're asleep. I want to attach speakers to it. I want it to play "Copacabana" by Barry Manilow on repeat. Of course, I'll be humming the opening horn sequence to Wagner's "Flight of the Valkyries" while doing this ...


TAKEMETOYOURLEADER!

I think that's all I have for now.

Lub,
Scotty