zenexistence

Three things I have learned while working in a club, as of late:

1) Regardless of how hard you will the opposite to happen, someone WILL vomit in the club at least once a week.
How do you fix said problem?
You find the employee with the least seniority (I'm much-to-much high on the food chain to do this anymore) hand him some rubber gloves, a bucket and a sponge and tell him, "Rock out, kid. Better you then me."

2) The best way to subdue an aggressive, inebriated, two brain-cell meathead is a rear choke. Straight up. I've taken out guys that have 50 pounds on me (and I'm all of 150, dripping wet) this way. Then three of us sit on the floundering lummox until the cops come, all the while whispering taunts to the effect of, "Hey, thanks for coming", "You make a nice chair", or "Nice shirt, dickhead." Intelligent witticisms that are sure to soothe the savage beast.

3) If I give out a drink free to a customer, my chances of a tip in return are roughly 35%.
Enough, you cheap-skate schmucks.
The next time I give you a free drink and you don't tip me, I'm going to jump over the bar, vomit on you and catch you in a rear choke.

See how all of that works together? Like clockwork.