All these ideas of who we think we are..all shit. My past alter-ego psuedonym was SAVE. I am powerless to help anyone. I have only myself. I barely have the will to keep myself going.
So when my girlfriend calls to tell me that she is going to kill herself...I am 12 hours away from her...I completely don't know how to handle it. If I were there with her, I could at the very least impose myself on her long enough to keep the dark thoughts from winning the battle, but all it takes is for her to hang up her cellphone not answer or turn it off. Then what 911. It would be too late. Luckily, tonight, her sister intervened via phone (she's 12 hours away from her, too). She was able to help by talking, working towards a course of action that moves beyond the current unimaginably impossible dilemna to a place where progress and rational though prevail.
What the fuck !?!
See my picture up there, that smile that's a real smile. I don't smile for real all that often. My girlfriend took that picture, she is who I was smiling about.
She has suicidal tendancies. I have known this. I 've dealt with it many times. It sometimes seems that my life has been preperation for helping her cope with her negative thoughts. Growing up, my brother tried to kill himself more times than I remember. I don't know, they say that what you don't deal with has a tendancy to rear its head until you do deal with it. Maybe I am the one killing myself. Maybe I am the one that wants to "end this life". I am on the slow burn plan if that's the case. Live life recklessly, but not all at once.
If you could look into the softness of my blue eyes you would know that I know love and that I am capable of immense amounts of loving. But damn if I can't turn that inside out.
It seems that many of you here have learned to love youself. How? How.
You know
So when my girlfriend calls to tell me that she is going to kill herself...I am 12 hours away from her...I completely don't know how to handle it. If I were there with her, I could at the very least impose myself on her long enough to keep the dark thoughts from winning the battle, but all it takes is for her to hang up her cellphone not answer or turn it off. Then what 911. It would be too late. Luckily, tonight, her sister intervened via phone (she's 12 hours away from her, too). She was able to help by talking, working towards a course of action that moves beyond the current unimaginably impossible dilemna to a place where progress and rational though prevail.
What the fuck !?!
See my picture up there, that smile that's a real smile. I don't smile for real all that often. My girlfriend took that picture, she is who I was smiling about.
She has suicidal tendancies. I have known this. I 've dealt with it many times. It sometimes seems that my life has been preperation for helping her cope with her negative thoughts. Growing up, my brother tried to kill himself more times than I remember. I don't know, they say that what you don't deal with has a tendancy to rear its head until you do deal with it. Maybe I am the one killing myself. Maybe I am the one that wants to "end this life". I am on the slow burn plan if that's the case. Live life recklessly, but not all at once.
If you could look into the softness of my blue eyes you would know that I know love and that I am capable of immense amounts of loving. But damn if I can't turn that inside out.
It seems that many of you here have learned to love youself. How? How.
You know