zef

Summer isn't even here and it's almost gone. At least that's how it feels.

I am moving out of my oversized apartment into a friends house. The rent will be way cheaper which should make life less stressful for the next year while I am still in school. Privacy is an issue as I am occupying a part of the house that has doorways (archways??) but no doors. It's a pretty large space, but I wouldn't want to bring a woman over if you know what I mean. Of course, there is no problem there. I've been single for two years. There hasn't been anyone even remotely interested in me.

Well, I there is this girl at the drive thru at mcdonald's. She has a mustache and a handful of fake gold rings and she creeps me out when she says, "Hey darling, long time no see" with this smile that seems to make the hairs on her lip point straight at me. Every time, she bats her eyelashes at me her nostrils flair as she tilts her head to one side, I feel soooooo uncomfortable. She can't be more than 19. I am flattered, but there has to be some spark to even want to return the affection. I don't mean to sound cruel. You can't like everyone that likes you.

I've found myself liking a girl or two in the past couple years, but the latest seems to place me in the position of the girl from mcdonald's. It's an unwanted affection. She's been very polite about it, but she never discusses my comments or words of affection. I finally learned that silence equals politeness. She doesn't want to encourage my thinking so she just doesn't say anything about my feelings. She hasn't ceased to be a friend, I appreciate that. Sometimes, I just want to devour her in every way...but then I know that isn't going to happen so I end up feeling sad. It's like I can't completely just enjoy our friendship because of how strongly my feelings are for her. That sucks most of all.

That's an update.