zef

I was feeling a bit worthless for sitting around all day downloading and watching the last few episodes of the second seasons of LOST. So, I decided to get out for a bit to rent a DVD and buy some lemons to make lemonaide. At the grocery store, Melinda, the 18yr old daughter of a guy I work with was my checkout clerk. She and I are friendly, but not close. While I find her attractive, it's the more the idea of being with someone whom I get with and makes me smile. I am not really interested in her. She's too young, both in age and maturity, worldly experience to hold my interest. I chatted with her for a moment then proceeded to the video store.

In the parking lot, I notice a girl in her mid-late twenties attractive, dressed in a summer casual jean skirt and spaghetti strap yello top, and simple heeled sandles. I wished that I could hold the door for her, but I was considerably further ahead of her. When I got to the door, I held it while a couple exited. The husband brought of the rear on crutches. As he made his way past me, from behind this lovely girl had caught up to me soI held the door for her. We exchange smiles briefly. I followed her in, lagging back far enough not to seem like a stalker, but close enough to get a good look at her. It wasn't her physical appearence that had my attention. There was something about her, maybe her smile. I just had a good feeling about her. She quickly picked her title and walked away across to the other side of the store. I picked my movie, kiss kiss bang bang, making my way around the store to the checkout. When I got there, she was just in line ahead of me.

The worker at the counter was new and quite slow. As I stood behind this beauty, I mostly kept my head down observing her grow increasingly impatient, but not too so, at the delay. She kept turning her head to watch the video playing behind us. Smiling and laughing ever so inaudibly, she shifted her weight from foot to foot. It was adorable. I noticed she had the movie, THE LONG ENGAGEMENT. I wondered what it was about, but didn't ask her. I expected to see a ring, but as she stepped up to the counter and another worker called me to checkout, I could see she wasn't wearing any rings at all on either hand. Plain, no makeup, simple straight hair. She had some minor acne issues on her upper back. I thought that's nothing I couldn't cure by washing her back for her when we shower together. As I was thinking that i would like to know her name, I heard the clerk repeat her name, Brooks and then her first name Sarah (changed from her real name). And then my checkout clerk repeated my last name, Trousers and then my first, Monkey (my actual name). There, we both know each others name. I was hoping to walk out with her, but I could tell that even if I had I wouldn't have said a word to her.

She got into a stylish newer economy car with California plates. I figured maybe she was a student and younger than I thought, so I just let her go. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice a sticker in the window, which said, VOTE REPUBLICAN., I almost dismissed her at that, but then I realized the next line said THAT WAY YOU DON'T HAVE TO THINK FOR YOURSELF. If she had been a repulican I wouldn't have actually dismissed her because I find that it can for a relationshio to have contrasting views on some topuics. But that wasn't necessary to think down that road any longer as she had several other stickers in her window, including one of a duh looking GWB that ssaid, We're fucked. LOVELY. I mean I am completely in love (infatuated, interested). I get into my car, still dented pretty badly from the accident. As I turned the ignition key, I am hoping she is fully in her car with windows up so she can't hear me start my car. It begins to wurr and rattle as I start up my car. I think no chance in hell she's going to see a winner this way. Which is complete crap because I am a great guy. My life isn't perfect, but I good material for a solid relationship. A girl could make good time with molding me, though I am already pretty well fucking formed.

So my point with all this is that I am shy and maybe lacking in selfconfidence, but why? If a girl isn't interested based on appearances, then good-bye. I don't mean to suggest that I am beyond needing to improve myself, but I am certainly worth loving. So, stepping up the feelings and urges next time, that will be me. Sometime ago, the pain of rejection set in and I avoid getting, feeling hurt, but if I can find the ONE, who reallty wants to be with me then every no will be well worth the YES.

Life is a dream full of opportunities. I am ready to take advantage of those possibilities.

chill.
z