zef

I've come to realize something about perception. Our conscious (language based) assessment of our response to sensory and dream experience is potentially detrimental in relation to how we actually learn. In any given interaction our senses create biochemical adjustments in the mind-body (brain, physical body, consciousnes) in reaction to the actions it takes in response to stimuli. (action-reaction). From these we learn how to respond in future interactions. Our thoughts can misconstrue what we actually learn. We develop perceptions around the thoughts forming concepts which in turn form the perspective from which we perceive (or rather compoundingly misperceive). We choose to avoid wearing certain clothes because we think they make us look fat despite the fact that we only weight 115lbs. It's not rational, it's emotional. Emotional in the context of learned emotional systems. The degree to which we express anger or love, even our understanding of what love and hate are, or to the diverse extremes to which we use the words. I love books like Neuromancer. What is love? (that's not the point here...) Anyway our thoughts cloud and interfere with the perfect and natural sensory response process of action-reaction. I can misconstrue someone's actions to be agressive or even loving, when in fact they are the opposite based on my past conscious perceptions. Basically, if we can learn to trust sensory-perception instead of conceptual perception, we will learn far more, far faster than our ego can by trying to conceive of why it is we do what we do. We don't even have a strong sense of who we are (because we are so removed from sensory experience) so how can even remotely understand the motivations and probabilities of our actions in a purely objective manner? We are always looking at the backs of heads, seemingly unaware that we are behind ourselves.

Anyway, so I am painting or writing or ...., my mind is creating biochemical reactions to what I am doing. If I am thinking that I am doing poorly, the biochemicals that it creates will lead away from doing it again and perhaps even wanting to do it again. We can have conflicted concepts in mind. The desire to write, but the painful experience of feeling that we aren't any good at what we want to do. Self-hatred, continues there.

Thank creation that we don't have verbal "language" in the way when we learn to walk. "Shit they keep telling me one foot in front of the other, but I had to go two lefts. I am such a dumbass! God damnit, which is my left again?" Some of us would never learn to walk. We would lay on the ground until we found explicit motivation to do otherwise - becoming prey for instance. "I don't want to be eaten." (I thought for a second about making this my new signature, but then the whole negative thought thing (we get what we focus upon, either positively or negatively) came to mind. I really don't want to be eaten. So in constrast I should consider something like, "I don't taste very good". However, that's not as directly amusing so...) we learn to walk from sense-stimuli. Imagine if your parents yelled at you for walking, screamed at you maybe hit you when you tried to walk. Would you learn through negativity that you shouldn't walk? However, would you rebell (assuming your will isn't completly crushed) then learn to walk anyway? Or would you live in perpetual fear that something bad and painful will happen if you walk. Now, replace learning to walk with just about anything, obesity for instance. If you are constantly scrutenized about your weight, which primarily does not come from a loving place, it comes from abusive and cruel criticism (learned by the perpetrater in their own life), it becomes so extreme that you wind up not only hating your body, but also eating to spite those who called you fat, eating as a form of comfort (Self-love), and generally spiriling out control on your way to terminal-inertia-gravity. At the base level, I have had certain biochemical reactions from eating, not eating, over eating, etc which negative thoughts have overriden negative reactions to the eating in these ways. Such as being aware that certain foods cause extreme exhaustion, but are also a primarily pleasure center triggering foods, thus continuing to motivation to eat such food. I do so because the emotional sensation from eating such foods seems to outweigh the negative bodily reactions.

Assuming I can begin to remove thoughts, I can begin to experience life authentically without preconceived notions about how best to live. I am always the reflection of my understanding of nature. I have had wise thoughts before, but not reacted to them. This perception literally feels massive in scope, integral to my understanding of my existence, which ironically is an ego-bloating perception eventhough it is aimed at reducing such perceptions.

Language has it's place. It has helped me to learn to understand who and how I am. But the actual critical crossover point is when I begin to live through immediate experience without preconceived rigid concepts of right and wrong, choosing instead appropriate and inappropriate to the moment, or rather beneficial or unbeneficial responses to the moment. Right and wrong are abritrary, but raw sensory data is not.

Does this cover the concept of deceptive presentations by others? Is raw experience wise enough to avoid or neutralize harmful or distracting intentions of others?

By changing my perception about a past experience, can I alter all the past sensory-data along with it? Such that where I once learned that being imaginative was bad (now realizing that my thought filtration/judgment concepts were created in error to the actual experience) can I now make use of the sensory-data minus those negative thoughts?

Perhaps what we learn in every moment isn't actually what think we are learning but instead what our senses are are learning. However, it seems imagined experience couldn't be farther from the truth of actual experience.

Once we become aware of this, we are no longer left to confusion. We can begin to alter our lives.

I think,

P.S.....maybe too much.